Jesus

As in The Myth of Sisyphus, doing it just in spite.

I find joy in the process of surmounting difficult things. I think there's a lot of intrinsic satisfaction in knowing no one can stop you.

It depends on what we're talking about. My number one motivator is providing for my family. But I also don't like change and I have strong internal motivation, so I naturally resist giving up on things almost to a fault. I tend to remove emotion from decisions and I hold myself to high standards, which helps me stay committed to my convictions even under peer pressure or without external validation. If I believe something is right, I'll stick with it to the end rather than do what I see as wrong; even if there's a big gap between what I think is right and what others think is right, I'll stick to my convictions in the face of 'adversity' (which manifests differently depending on what we're talking about, which is why I mentioned it at the start).

Work related: I have an addiction to food and shelter.

Relationship related: former marriage: I didn’t want to be seen as a failure even though I knew I was the only person in it for the right reason. Within four years I said “fuck it. I can start over”. Current marriage early on: I thought it was worth it and we got through it. I couldn’t imagine my life without my wife.

Financial from both my first divorce and overdoing it before the real estate crash: it’s only numbers. I never doubted I would eventually recover even though it took 8 years.

Depends on the adversity. If it's slogging through the work week (which is my main adversity these days):

My toxic tendency to remain completely independent is about all that motivates me to work. I don't have any real motivation anymore since I have built so many safety nets (financial or otherwise) for myself to handle that vast majority of professional failures.

I go through periods of genuinely thinking I’m capable of greatness, and periods of not caring at all about greatness and just wanting to be happy.

Speaking of adversity the last 6 months I’ve: lost a job, split from fiancé of 7 years, got fat, lost a dog, lost an apartment, got diagnosed with adhd, faced strong suicidal ideation, sever depression and nihilism.

But fast forward to current day - I’ve got back to the gym and doubled all my lifts and genuinely starting to get strong again, lost fat, made friends, started rock climbing and road cycling, progressed in my career and doing well at my new job, planned greater international travels.

I’ve realised I’m unnaturally resilient and I can basically push through anything life throws at me. Even in my darkest days I still dragged my ass to the gym and hit personal bests.

I do not know where this resilience comes from. I’ve realised over the years as a 30 y/o male no one is going to help you get to where you want to be, no one is going to have much empathy for you no matter how shit your life is, and that you control your own destiny and can only play the cards you’ve been dealt, but you alone can push yourself to greatness (whatever that may be for you)