Copying from the post: things you avoid while persevering?
Copying from the post: things you avoid while persevering?
Relationship related: former marriage: I didn’t want to be seen as a failure even though I knew I was the only person in it for the right reason. Within four years I said “fuck it. I can start over”. Current marriage early on: I thought it was worth it and we got through it. I couldn’t imagine my life without my wife.
Financial from both my first divorce and overdoing it before the real estate crash: it’s only numbers. I never doubted I would eventually recover even though it took 8 years.
My toxic tendency to remain completely independent is about all that motivates me to work. I don't have any real motivation anymore since I have built so many safety nets (financial or otherwise) for myself to handle that vast majority of professional failures.
Speaking of adversity the last 6 months I’ve: lost a job, split from fiancé of 7 years, got fat, lost a dog, lost an apartment, got diagnosed with adhd, faced strong suicidal ideation, sever depression and nihilism.
But fast forward to current day - I’ve got back to the gym and doubled all my lifts and genuinely starting to get strong again, lost fat, made friends, started rock climbing and road cycling, progressed in my career and doing well at my new job, planned greater international travels.
I’ve realised I’m unnaturally resilient and I can basically push through anything life throws at me. Even in my darkest days I still dragged my ass to the gym and hit personal bests.
I do not know where this resilience comes from. I’ve realised over the years as a 30 y/o male no one is going to help you get to where you want to be, no one is going to have much empathy for you no matter how shit your life is, and that you control your own destiny and can only play the cards you’ve been dealt, but you alone can push yourself to greatness (whatever that may be for you)
I also have a wife and family to take care of.
The success rate on this for me is not something I can easily explain. Visualization is a hell of a drug, I guess.
You just move forward and survive no matter what. Because all the “simple” alternatives (black void, nothingness, or dark hell of addictions) are way more terrible and/or boring.
Reminding yourself that God most probably loves you and wants the best for you helps sometimes as well.
I have been in situations where internally my mind was screaming that this is it and there is no escaping. I felt like giving up after a bad break up, getting stuck with bad investment, getting so sick that needed to hospitalized, getting fired, getting robbed, and perhaps many more times.
But stats are almost always in favor of things working out and that helps me keep going.
It has given me much peace and emotional stability, and many things I used to struggle with are now much more manageable for me.
Even in days of struggle, I experience this overwhelming feeling of support and peace, that someone loving and encouraging is with me, holding my hand.
It has also altered how I feel about my work. Where I used to feel unfulfilled and reluctant to get out of bed, I now get up early without an alarm, and grateful for the day.
I recently did a meta-study of the benefits of religious community and hope to publish it soon.
There are some things that I don't necessarily agree with, especially in the Old Testament, ones that can come across as unkind or unloving, and I just pass them over and focus on the good, and what helps me along.
alganet•7mo ago