These days laptops and customization don't walk well together - a lot of them are coming with memory soldered in the name of being thin and cheap.

Not running BSD, but Linux, but I guess the same applies - I try to get the most boring laptop possible, from either Dell or Lenovo. My advice is to go for laptops designed for corporate use - they won't get creative with GPUs and other usual sources of pain and distress. Going for new-ish but not bleeding edge CPUs is also wise, as it is going with integrated GPUs (those have a lot more exposure to developers). While some new chips (such as AMD's Strix Halo) have good support, YMMV).

It would be helpful if you have a budget in mind and expected usable lifespan for the device. If you need to make an immediate purchase, I would personally recommend Thinkpad P14s Gen 5 (Intel) with maxed specs in everything but RAM (which remains unsoldered). It even has a dedicated GPU option (Nvidia), albeit with a paltry 4GB of VRAM. If you can wait, the Intel Gen 6 should come out in the next month or so. Alternatively, the AMD Gen 6 is currently available as well as equivalent T-series versions (that is the T14 without the "s") that are cheaper but somewhat lower-specced and given a polycarbonate build.