This is one of those cases where causality is implied but is questionable. Finding lovers in the sticks is hard enough; it is exceptionally difficult if you are queer, and that's going to influence behavior and choices in all sorts of ways, and those can be rationalized in all sorts of ways, too.
A less charged example: adults living in cities are (probably) more likely to participate in, and value participating in, team sports. Let's assume they report honestly as such on a questionnaire.
Obviously, there are more opportunities to play sports in cities, but does that imply that rural folks wouldn't partake at about the same rate if they could, even though they say that they wouldn't?
I can see plausible arguments in either direction, and for several kinds of selection and reporting biases.
skyyler•8mo ago
>“As a trans person, I’m always going to have to deal with people discriminating against me,” one woman said.
>Living in a rural locale with an active local music scene let her focus on aspects of her identity that were more important to her than her gender identity.
This is my experience as well. I don't experience more stares or scowls in rural areas than I do in urban centers. Even in San Francisco, being visibly transgender is often uncomfortable.
bad_username•8mo ago
skyyler•8mo ago
I don't mean to pick on you personally, but this sort of thing gets on my nerves and I have to take a moment to say something here.
I don't love how some people think I'm some sort of implicit threat or ticking time bomb because of stories they've heard or read about people like me. Like most people in the office, I just want to be able to do my work. I'm not trying to cause problems for people. The thought that me living my life makes some people feel like they have to walk on eggshells is awful. Luckily most people don't see me as some kind of threat like this, but it's obvious when people do.
I can't speak for everyone, but for me personally, going to HR for _anything_ is terrifying. Going to HR to complain about a valid grievance is scary. Going to HR over a simple mistake that a well-meaning person made feels like it would explode my career. It's hard enough to get a job as an openly transgender person.
givemeethekeys•8mo ago
JumpCrisscross•8mo ago
I’ve met zero people who faced actual consequences for messing up a pronoun. Same for people who go thermonuclear over their preferred pronoun. Zero. Both seem to be more a feature of social media than reality.
givemeethekeys•8mo ago
I do know people who have been laid off "at will" after getting reported to HR because they had the wrong political opinion.
spondylosaurus•8mo ago
Unless any of your peers are cartoon cavemen who always use people's names in place of words like "I" or "him" or "us," I'm going to wager that 100% of the people you know do actually use pronouns.
kanbara•8mo ago
btw i'm a sr engineering manager at a faang and my directory page has they/them pronouns on it. i don't care if people mess them up, and i don't correct people, but it's nice if they make an effort. the most nonbinary thing i do is paint my nails, but everything else about me is masc.
and i've worked in rural parts of america and have had the exact opposite: a conservative opinion including "hey this republican is a really great candidate, now go vote in the next election!" from companies on the s&p500.
JumpCrisscross•8mo ago
Yup. It's difficult to balance the freedom of assembly, on one hand, and the freedom of political speech, on the other hand.
Given political opinions are mutable it seems reasonable to hold people accountable for ones they express at the workplace. I'm less comfortable about punishing people at work for opinions expressed outside of it. But it's also naive to pretend customers, vendors and the public won't judge you based on the public opinions of your employees.
givemeethekeys•8mo ago
JumpCrisscross•8mo ago
Not really. Economic independence (a) obviously confers freedom and (b) does not require fuck-you money. It usually comes at a cost, namely, material comforts. But this has always been a civic balance even the wealthiest have to make. (For example, the billionaires kowtowing to Trump for fear of having fewer billions.)
givemeethekeys•8mo ago
roughly•8mo ago
So what the hell are you doing in this thread?
givemeethekeys•8mo ago
rcxdude•8mo ago
ramblerman•8mo ago
You even understood him since you said “what u actually mean”
It’s exactly this kind of moral preachery nonsense that puts people off, more than actual pronouns imo
rcxdude•8mo ago
roughly•8mo ago
skyyler•8mo ago
givemeethekeys•8mo ago
I practice an abundance of caution in an office setting. I wish I didn't have to but the financial risk, for me, is far too great to have any kind of a political opinion.
I don't drink at company events. I don't ask personal questions. I don't have a political or personal opinion. I don't invite anyone at the office to personal events. God bless noise cancelling headphones!
It is very stifling and I don't wish it on anyone.
skyyler•8mo ago
I'd love to hear some stories from you, if you're willing to share. I would like to understand why there's a segment of the population that is so afraid of people like me.
chaoskanzlerin•8mo ago
mountainriver•8mo ago
The rural folks are often homophobic but they have a code of decency and respect which applies to all people. Even though I knew they probably thought I was wrong in someway they at least treated me with genuine respect.