Phew, I just read the story, not the blog post.

I found the writing pretty good, but there should be some plot point. Maybe "How Sam lost her job", or if we're going for 20th-century-style snobishness, something like "The perils of work-life balance", or "The superiority of the senses", whatever

I started to read the critique, and I disagree :D

- "She could tell from the particular way he moved around the counter, post-endorphins quiet"; blog asks for this line to be cut, I found it to be thoughtful and the most human line of the story / the one that best mimicked real prose

- My first critique bullet point would be the lack of any friction or resolve or internal consistency. So she missed her job, ignores calls and messages, they had .. bedroom time .. and went to the market. That's it??

What I found funny and very comparable to real stories was the delayed info in the first sentence. "Sam" is a gender-neutral abbreviation for "Samuel", "Samantha", and maybe others. So the reader is immediately prompted to think about the main character's gender, which is resolved in the next sentence.

This kind of trickery seems very common in real prose.