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I've been fighting with burnout for 18 years

7•ianberdin•6mo ago
I’ve been programming for 18 years and have run into all sorts of problems. But probably the most important and hardest one—the biggest bottleneck for me, and I think for many others—is that the body has its limits. It’s called burnout.

Burnout is a very broad term that only vaguely describes what actually happened and why you can’t—or just don’t want to—work. This subject has tormented me for a long time: it keeps me from working a lot, from working productively, from getting results, and from building a startup.

Over that time I’ve gotten tons of advice—from loved ones, doctors, ChatGPT, Gemini, articles and comments on the internet, and so on. I’ve tried a bunch of things: – a pomodoro timer; – nasal strips; – working strictly during set hours; – lots of walking and exercise; – B-vitamins, co-enzyme Q10, L-theanine, creatine, L-arginine, 5-HTP; – antidepressants; – going to bed at 9–10 p.m.; – completely changing my diet, cutting out sugar, or, conversely, upping my sugar intake.

So many variables… I can’t say I’ve found a solution: every time it’s different. I’m sick and tired of it.

Recently, thanks to AI—more precisely, an LLM—I discovered an interesting tool. One evening, while out walking, I pulled up Gemini and started complaining: once again I’m tired, unproductive, burned out. As usual it spat out a huge wall of advice. I was so fed up! I said, “Fuck, I’m already sick of these tips. I’ve tried everything, I don’t want any more. Can you stop advising? Just ask questions. Better yet—ask like a CBT therapist so I can dig down to the cause myself.”

And then the magic happened. It really did stop advising and started asking at most one or two questions. That’s when the work began, the insights started flowing. Some questions and answers brought tears to my eyes. It was incredible.

In the end I uncovered causes I’d never even considered. Turned out I have a fear of deploying. I’m afraid everything will break. That fear led to procrastination: I began preparing endlessly, laying down safety nets so the fall wouldn’t hurt. I’d get so caught up in prep that I kept adding more features; finishing became harder, and deploying even scarier. I slid into anxiety: deploying felt terrifying, deadlines slipped. To catch up, I’d work and think even more. My cognitive resources would hit zero—and that was it.

The root wasn’t that I go to bed late; it was fear. Once I realized that, I just decided to back up everything, take snapshots, and deploy to a test server instead of straight to prod, like I used to. After all, I’m a solo bootstrap founder.

No one else could have helped me dig this deep. It took me several hours answering Gemini’s questions, day after day. The things I uncovered are fucking awesome. No one has ever helped me like that.

LLMs don’t just help us write code—they help us discover our own problems. I’m absolutely thrilled and had to share.

Comments

herbst•6mo ago
Interesting observation. I sometimes I run into deployment anxiety when I changed to my things at once, I usually try to push through and monitor results with a racing heart for hours.

I consider myself to be "burned out" as in that isn't going to get better anymore. I accept that and build my workflow around that, that is what helped me most.

I spent considerable time into monitoring, safety procedures, fall back mechanisms, excessive backups, ... Everything that gives me peace to focus on other things.

Also using LLM for a third party view for anything you are stuck on can be a godsend.

ianberdin•6mo ago
Yeah, racing heart. I have a huge, not deployed release from last October :)
herbst•6mo ago
Maybe it helps. I feel there is nothing a deployment could really break that 24 hours actively watching and hot patching couldn't fix. One day painful monitoring, but a big problem less :)
alganet•6mo ago
Good luck!
chistev•6mo ago
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important, and that to take a holiday would bring all kinds of disaster".

Bertrand Russell.

GianFabien•6mo ago
Thanks for sharing. Good to read that after trying so many different things you are actually facing the underlying psychological factors. The anxiety over breaking things is common, especially when what you are deploying is critical and the adverse impact of problems could be widespread.

Personally, I prefer to go on long walks and leave the phone at my desk. I can't decompress with a reminder about work in my pocket. Besides it would keep pinging, etc.

Tarsul•6mo ago
hyphens
ianberdin•6mo ago
Yes, formatting is a pain. I’m too lazy to type it myself. It turned out to be so inefficient compared to what I can dictate into my own tool: OpenAI transcribes everything, then applies the formatting, and I just paste the text. Beautiful!

Now I love dictating by voice instead of typing. It used to seem that typing was so easy—so “easy”—and thanks to ten-finger typing everything happened very quickly. But compared to what you can rattle off by voice, it’s like night and day.

And those dashes the transcription adds, of course—they look completely out of place.

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