I'm currently sitting on the hospital bed next to my daughter who's in for an eating disorder, so I wouldn't say I'm "happy".
We're often in situations that are outside of our control that we'd prefer not to be in, therefore unlikely to be classified as "happy".
And maybe this is the mode I'm having to rationalise myself into given my current situation, but I'm currently "getting it done", "doing what I need to do", "moving forwards, slowly, but still forwards", "not letting it get on top of me".
Any of the above.
Happy, by my definition, is fleeting. I was "happy" last night when my daughter was joking around like her normal self. I was "happy" chatting to a colleague yesterday about things that don't matter, but are funny.
Maybe just the the ability (or frame of mind) to have those moments of happiness scattered throughout a day could be a secondary definition of happy? I'm which case, yes I am.
Despite the declining state of the world and my daughter's current situation, I can still notice and enjoy the few flakes of gold scattered throughout a day.
Am I happy? I don't know. But I'm not scared of or intimidated by the idea of the future; I'm an optimist. Maybe I am "happy", but, despite this essay, it's not something I spend a lot of time thinking about, I just move forwards - as slowly as that is sometimes.
Reading some of the other answers here I feel horribly privileged. I hope people are able to sort themselves out, they deserve to be able to sort themselves out.
xenospn•23h ago
supportengineer•23h ago