Walking past a house recently, I watched a dog refuse to leave his porch as the owner explained that the electric fence has been broken for years.
It hit me, we're all trapped by fences that stopped working long ago. The mental model that being the first one to reach out to friends keeps us isolated. There are systematic flaws in our modern social protocols that cause smart people to miss social cues, or be afraid of initiating them. After analyzing hundreds of these invisible barriers, I've found that the people who break them aren't socially gifted, they've just realized how to move past the social conditioning that keeps us stuck on the porch. The electric fence has been broken for years.
laurent_du•6mo ago
Good article but I don't understand where the HN title comes from.
rolph•6mo ago
edit: editorialied title, and isnt in line with rules.
[SOLVED]
stroz•6mo ago
Thank you for pointing this out! By "missing social cues" I mean we're not recognizing that it's safe to reach out, we're missing the cue that the "fence" (fear of rejection, seeming needy, etc.) isn't real anymore. Like the dog who won't leave the porch, we think the barrier still exists when it's actually just conditioning from old experiences.
codingdave•6mo ago
Actual Title: The Electric Fence Stopped Working Years Ago
stroz•6mo ago
Thank you! I've gone ahead and updated the title. It now matches the title on the post.
stroz•6mo ago
It hit me, we're all trapped by fences that stopped working long ago. The mental model that being the first one to reach out to friends keeps us isolated. There are systematic flaws in our modern social protocols that cause smart people to miss social cues, or be afraid of initiating them. After analyzing hundreds of these invisible barriers, I've found that the people who break them aren't socially gifted, they've just realized how to move past the social conditioning that keeps us stuck on the porch. The electric fence has been broken for years.