You say Asperger's people can't introspect. I introspect all the time. Maybe i spend far less time than i should thinking about how others see me. I think that's a key part of my problem. I understand how I am. I understand how others are. But I don't understand well or have great visibility on how I appear to others from my (usually good otherwise) model of their perspective. That is something i should spend far more time thinking on. It doesn't come naturally to me to put myself in someone else's shoes looking at myself. I look at myself from the point of view of myself. And I look at others from the point of view of my internal model of them which is often superior in terms of predictive and analytic power. That is why I usually connect so well with people and they open up to me so much at first: because I appear understand them better than they understand themselves. I have difficulty seeing myself clearly through other's eyes though. It is as if I cognitively discard my part of the social equation.

I don't feel disappointed often. I am not really even sure what the term means in terms of how it is differentiated from frustration. I am not suprised when things don't work out for me, in bizarre ways.

I am somewhat of a sadist (and a masochist) in an abstract way. I like seeing how people react in all kinds of situations. I lack fear.

But different from a psychopath I am not interpersonally aggressive and actually when interacting with people try to avoid confrontation unless it is clearly necessary or justified in my mind due to the circumstances of the situation.

I do take risks and make mistakes more often than a typical normal range cautious person because, I think, I lack fear of consequences. Physical pain doesn't bother me much.

I think because I am intelligent and introverted I am able to control myself in a way acceptable to society sufficient to keep out of trouble but still I am more subtly handicapped in life due to my affective deficit.

Funny enough often I feel people interacting with me think I am a worse or more reckless or more dangerous person than I actually am. I am not some evil malicious mastermind. I just make bad decisions sometimes. But there are also limits to my bad decisions. The idea of harming anyone or getting involved in serious crime or taking great risks is alien to me and would provoke anxiety. It is alien because I don't feel the interpersonal anger or other drivers required to motivate such action. I never have. It would produce anxiety because I would see it as a kind of karmic debt to be repaid to my detriment, not due to empathy. But things like shoplifting an item by not paying for it at self checkout or borrowing an co-workers tool without permission wouldn't bother me. If i was in a relationship cheating wouldn't bother me as long as it is secret and doesn't effect other aspects of a status quo. I don't see things as black and white. I see malicious and violent people as bad and disgusting but if a person cheats or steals a little it doesn't bother me, if they are successful. I don't care about rules. My understanding is Asperger people are very rule oriented. I am not. I don't care about routine or organization. I can organize very well but not maintain organization over time due to lack of conscientiousness. I lack enduring special interests. I get interested in a topic for a couple days, weeks, months, then lose interest.

I have an almost total lack of emotional empathy although i do feel i can cognitively understand and predict others perspectives. I think if i felt more pain or other emotions myself then the pain or other emotions of others would be more significant to me. Due to my lack of empathy I make choices and behave in subtle ways while not even trying to be malicious that result in people rejecting me over time.

It is interesting you say lack of conscientiousness is a characteristic of Aspergers. I have not heard that. In fact I thought it was the opposite, that Aspergers people are so rule and routine bound that they miss the forest for the trees. Maybe I am wrong.

I have moral values. Just not strong or complicated ones. I believe in good and evil and to me the key part of judging whether a person is good or evil is not their behavior but their core motivations. I believe good people can do bad things and still be good at their core as long as they aspire to be good.

I think I am depressed often. But I do get a lot of things done just not the things I should do. It more manifests for me as pessimism and not trying hard enough. I don't usually feel sad. More frustrated. I am not sure what disappointment is as experienced by others. Maybe it is a mix of sadness and frustration.

Anyway I agree with the other posters on my submission, i should seek therapy. In fact i was going to do that but can't now due to having lost health insurance from being let go from my job. Past experiences with therapy have not been very useful and if I am paying out of pocket I want something I can use.