This could be depression, or simply mid life crisis, but for the past year(s) I feel empty inside. I feel no sense of purpose, no direction, no goals and no desires. Looking back at my life and career, I did everything "by the book": finished school, attended college, secured a tech job, got promoted, made more money, never took debts, and have a good savings. I moved early from my parents house, was independent, had social circle of very good friends, supportive family, found a girlfriend who became my wife. I quit jobs that I did not like, was always eager to learn and grow together with the companies I worked at.
Eventually I felt stuck, and so I followed the next steps in "the book": I took a sabbatical, went to travel, relocated to a different country, moved to a different style of tech company. Throughout my life and career I had followed all the supplementary steps of "the book": I worked with different therapists, was hitting the gym, started martial arts, was (mostly) healthy, never obese, never abused alcohol and never touched drugs. I have read all the classic books of finding meaning (stoicism, Man's search for meaning, philosophy, psychology etc). I go outside, spend time in nature, with people I love. I have by all definitions a "successful life". I have made it. I live in a very good country, I make decent money, I live below my means, have savings, and am surrounded by people I love and who love me. I'm privileged to travel and see the world, try different hobbies.
And yet, I feel empty inside. I feel dead inside. Every day is the same. The week is just an intermediary step between weekends, some of which are somewhat exciting, while most of them just pass in a blink of an eye, and the cycle repeats. Once every few months I take a bigger vacation, which ends way faster than it should, and eventually throws me into a bigger rut (post-vacation depression?).
I often think about starting from zero, but this is not realistic because of fear and because this means also breaking relationships. I think about quitting tech, but I don't know anything else, and I'm kind of dependent on my current work for my work permit. I know I'm not the only one, and I've read many people here who had similar feelings. I often ask myself "is this it? Is this what life has to offer?", and maybe it is, and I should just be grateful for what I have, but I'm not sure how to cope with the emptiness.
Any advice?
notrealyme123•5mo ago
Social Pressure can be a bitch and a half. Its not like you are pushed to do something directly by others. It is just there.
And get help. Try to find a therapist who really(!) understands you. I think you will always "know the right answer" to say to make the therapist happy. Find someone who can actually look through it.