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The Spherical Cows of Programming

https://programmingsimplicity.substack.com/p/the-spherical-cows-of-programming
16•whobre•2h ago

Comments

SoulMan•1h ago
2025-20-29 ?
TomatoCo•1h ago
Looks like the first digit of each part of the date was incremented by 1. I think it's meant to say 1025-10-19.
JadeNB•48m ago
A rare pre-William the Conqueror essay on functional programming.
mkoubaa•45m ago
I've always known the Green Knight was something of a time traveler. Knew too much.
bos•1h ago
This is a bizarre essay by someone who understands neither functional programming nor the history of computers.

> To be kind, we’ve spent several decades twisting hardware to make the FP spherical cow work “faster”, at the expense of exponential growth in memory usage, and, some would argue, at the expense of increased fragility of software.

There is not one iota of support for functional programming in any modern CPU.

muststopmyths•57m ago
TFA actually refers to "other spherical cows", not just FP.

Doesn't makes any point very coherently, but it's not exclusively about FP though that gets mentioned a lot.

KerrAvon•28m ago
“spherical cow” seems to be a bizarre, pointless substitution for “encapsulation” or “object oriented programming” depending on the context.
kgwgk•17m ago
> TFA actually refers to "other spherical cows"

What does that mean in the context of the comment you reply to - which includes the literal quote about "twisting hardware to make the FP spherical cow work faster”? The article may not be exclusively about FP but nobody said it was.

imtringued•55m ago
The definition of spherical cow is also butchered beyond recognition.

Spherical cows are about simplifying assumptions that lead to absurd conclusions, not simplified models or simplified notation in general.

Calling functional programming a spherical cow when you mean that automatic memory management is a simplifying assumption, is such a gross sign of incompetence that nobody should keep reading the rest of the blog.

JumpCrisscross•33m ago
> Spherical cows are about simplifying assumptions that lead to absurd conclusions

There aren’t any commonly-accepted conclusions from spherical cows because the bit is the punch line. It’s a joke a physics 101 student makes when toughing through problems that assume away any real-world complexity and thus applicability.

Spherical cows, in the real world, are pedagogical tools first, approximations second, and mis-applied models by inexperienced practitioners third.

“Hello World” is a spherical cow. Simplifying assumptions about data are spherical cows.

seanhunter•45m ago
Totally agree. In addition, one of his examples (Mars Pathfinder) has absolutely nothing to do with functional programming or simplifying assumptions of any kind. The mars pathfinder problem was caused by a priority inversion on a mutex - exactly the sort of thing that all programmers rightly consider hard and that things like software transactional memory in FP would prevent. Here’s the famous email “What Really Happened on Mars?” which was written by the a pathfinder software engineer and explains the issue

https://dataverse.jpl.nasa.gov/dataset.xhtml?persistentId=hd...

Even by the standards of substack TFA is an extraordinarily poor blogpost.

foobarian•27m ago
This would probably apply better in the ~80s after all the hard work building Lisp/Forth machines
bitwize•1h ago
I would say "sequential execution of CPU instructions" and "O(1) memory access" are two major spherical cows in computing. Probably the biggest, though, is the "fast, reliable network". We build systems that treat networked resources as if they were local: always there and instantly available. Heck, most of our stuff wouldn't even run without the database being online, and that's usually provided over the network.
KerrAvon•25m ago
Calling random things “spiritual cows” is a fine comedy bit, but has no place in a professional environment where you have to be able to communicate with others to achieve a common goal. TFA is just shitposting in blog form. Not sure if the author realizes that.

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