There is no benefit of having merit in Nepal. Private jobs are already low paying. Remote jobs do not come generally to Nepal.I see remote jobs love India and south east asia. I do not get the point of remote job if they are hiring from specific country. The only thing I can do in nepal is public service commission (civil services) and crack computer engineer. But the pay is meagre there as well, unless I am lucky enough to enter central bank of Nepal(NRB).

Honestly, it feels like I am pushing not just a wall but universe itself in Nepal. Because nothing is going to happen irrespective of my abilities. I am currently preparing for PSC and I do not believe I will be happy as a PSC engineer even if I end up at NRB(central bank).

Something feels missing inside me. I have took countless therapies and what not. They helped me a lot to be where I am at now. I feel scared to try opportunities out of my comfort zone (kathmandu is my comfort zone).

As an adult, nobody pushes you, you have to push yourself. I am in a serious deadlock internally. I can decrease the effect using yoga and meditation but that does not troubleshoot the cause. Personally, I want to pursue something academic away from nepal. I believe that would provide me the much needed confidence in my life.