I'm 35 and I am going to end my life today. About year one ago I quit my job to work on my own startup (alone). Since then I made good progress in making the product, but very little in selling it. And there's competition in that space with newly-funded VC startups out-executing me. Shit I was so scared to contact my ICP to prospect and to sell -- I am ashamed at myself for messing this opportunity. I WASTED 10 MONTHS!!!! Also realized: it is an uphill battle to sell something to someone. I suck at sales & marketing, which is all that matters.

I might have been Senior/Staff by title in my last job, but I only have handled/implemented frontend projects end-to-end.... in backend I've only ever only implemented features. Never explored stuff like Kafka, System Design & never bothered applying to FAANG again or startups/scale-ups again. It also seems very late to do so now, considering the medicore experience I have.

I also came to the realization about 2-3 days ago that I've never worked hard a day in my life. messed around in high school & got okay grades. moved abroad to study CS and did well in school, but not much else. Moved to a second country to do my Masters degree which I did okay in. But since then it has basically been downhill. While I had worked for a promising FAANG company as an intern one time, my career since then has been on a downhill (just realized this). Only had okay feedback from all companies where I worked, with one exception, including my last company. I also seem to be unemployable now given the skillset I have. AI is obviously making things much worse in this regard.

So today I asked myself if I can work hard enough to maybe start a job again and put a massive amount of effort into starting my own business -- but the evidence is completely against me: have not worked hard for half of my life (all of my adult life), so what makes me think I can start working hard now. I feel soooo bad & guilty having wasted all of my time and life on this planet.

Will be leaving my spouse alone, but better I end my life now, so that they can find a better partner.