Article author here. I wanted to write an accessible overview of basic laser physics, and in the process collected a zoo of weird things that lase (if pumped sufficiently hard) from the historical literature: edible lasers in peach compote, the Martian atmosphere, cancer cells, peacock feathers, etc. Happy to answer questions, especially if you disagree with my pronunciation guide. The title is a quote from Arthur Schawlow, Nobel Laureate and inventor of the “nearly nontoxic” Jell-O laser.