Realizing that I don't do any programming for fun anymore, I made a program that prints the horoscope for the PID of a Linux process. The Fowler-No-Voll hash ensures uniqueness for each day, guaranteeing a deterministic output. A friend of mine added support for tarot cards. I recommend just appending the command to your .bashrc to get the horoscope of your current running bash instance. Pull requests are welcome!