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Remind HN: Today is Mother's Day, call your moms

312•rationalist•2h ago•109 comments

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Open in hackernews

Remind HN: Today is Mother's Day, call your moms

312•rationalist•2h ago
And for any mothers here, happy Mother's Day.

Comments

Bender•2h ago
I'll have a drink in her memory.
rationalist•2h ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
coalstartprob•1h ago
cheers mate
user_7832•1h ago
Sorry, but seeing your comment being called dead by HN was... amusing.

(I personally think it's okay to be amused, even if it's thanks to dead people. I don't think any mother would really mind too much.)

vishnukool•2h ago
Respect. It's a good day to remember the impact they had even if they are no longer around to pick up the phone. Btw calling her now.
croisillon•2h ago
(in the US)
bobnarizes•2h ago
(+ Germany and Mexico)
stackghost•2h ago
(And Canada)
CamouflagedKiwi•2h ago
(and New Zealand)
keraf•2h ago
And a bunch of other countries like Switzerland, Tanzania, Belgium, India, Greece, Hong Kong, etc. [0]

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_th...

danjovich•2h ago
(and Brazil)
lxxpxlxxxx•2h ago
(And Venezuela)
Imustaskforhelp•1h ago
(and India)
sgt•1h ago
(and South Africa)
spikepuppet•1h ago
(and Australia)
woutgaze•1h ago
(and The Netherlands)
smt88•1h ago
And China, India, and many other large countries. Most of the world (by population) celebrates it today.
egeozcan•1h ago
(and Turkey)
testfrequency•1h ago
Which is what HN is bias towards clearly
treis•12m ago
(and my Axe)
alex7o•2h ago
How is it mother day isn't that 8 march
taubek•2h ago
March 8th is International Women's Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Women%27s_Day).

Mother’s Day is different from country to country (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day)

nottorp•2h ago
Apparently, according to wikipedia, we have a "mother's day" in the first sunday in may. I've seen nothing in the news about it and wasn't aware of its existence.

8 March was an entirely different animal...

Swizec•2h ago
March 8 is international women’s day. The most ignored of all holidays by US culture. To an almost hilarious degree.

My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.

xyzelement•2h ago
// My partner frequently brags

March 8th is for the partners, mother's day is for the wives :)

Just kidding but couldn't resist.

throwaway27727•2h ago
International men's day isn't a thing in the US either, so that's not surprising. Contrast to Mother's/Father's Day, which are.
drfloyd51•2h ago
I feel some editorializing going on.

Here[0] is a list of many holidays that are ignored more than international women’s day.

Happy International Day of Plant Health to you!

0: https://www.un.org/en/observances/list-days-weeks

halb•1h ago
international day of plant health is on may 12, not today!
ipaddr•1h ago
November 19 is international men's day. How many times have you gotten flowers on that day? Or Uber drivers wishing you a happy men's day?
avycado13•1h ago
lol. why arent we celebrated more
catlikesshrimp•1h ago
The joke goes as following: Women are celebrated once a year... because men have the rest of the days.
dyauspitr•1h ago
I wouldn’t say that. I don’t believe a men’s day even exists.
rkomorn•1h ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Men%27s_Day
einpoklum•1h ago
Like May 1st which is snubbed in favor of (non-organized?) Labor Day, and, well, the metric system which has somehow still not been adopted in the US...
locallost•1h ago
Flowers for women's day is another ultimately weird tradition in many countries. Weird because the point of women's day is equality and not to be treated like our little special ladies. I always half jokingly said a more suitable gift would be a mini wrench or a screwdriver.
malfist•2h ago
She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her.
rationalist•2h ago
I'm sorry :-(
twiclo•2h ago
You should call her
Zambyte•2h ago
... why?
llbbdd•2h ago
Lol. Call her and put on a heavy lisp
rationalist•1h ago
I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice that they didn't ask for.
mr-wendel•1h ago
Hard disagree.

Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.

Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.

--

Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.

tombert•1h ago
I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves.

Kids don't owe their parents anything.

signatoremo•1h ago
Kids own their parents their very presence.

Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.

rationalist•1h ago
Do they really owe that?

I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange.

A person does not consent to being born.

If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help.

tombert•1h ago
No one asked to be born. People are only born because their parents brought them into existence.
pixel_popping•1h ago
I disagree a bit somehow with the statement as it's a bit too generic, in my perspective, I do owe my parents care when they get older (I don't care about laws, talking about morality), I wouldn't send them in a home waiting for them to die, they'll live with me and my wife until they die, I understand that many might disagree with this, and it's fair if you had shit parents, but if you had parents that genuinely cared and done everything for you, I believe you want to also be fair for the sacrifice they've done and take care of them when they are too old to take care of themselves (or if 1 of them die, luckily I have both of my parents still!).

Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.

tombert•1h ago
You might feel an obligation, but you don't "owe" them anything.

It's pedantic but there's a subtle difference. Doing something for someone because you're grateful for them is fine. I like my parents, I might take care of them when they get older, but I'm doing that because I like them.

> Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.

Ironically, I think this is too generic. What if your parents were physically or sexually abusive? This isn't hypothetical, there are millions of children that live that reality. Are they "bad kids" because they don't want to help them when they're older?

pixel_popping•57m ago
Yeah I've put a specific "clause" for shitty parents, shitty parents deserve no support in the end (imo).

My main argument is really that in the West, we are going too far away from the grateful mentality and it's scary and even absurd to see the number of parents that die alone (I'm talking about good parents), I find it sad and immoral in many scenarios.

I use the word owe because it's a moral code thing, the same way as I owe my wife & children lifetime promises and support (but not obligated right?), it's not something really negotiable in my head and I don't really intend to change it.

I vow the same thing for my own children and I hope I'll do genuinely a good job, enough for them to feel that they owe me the support when I'm old. Think about the gift you do to a loving mother to let her die surrounded with her own kids, nothing is more important in life than this in the end, as you get older, no career or money matters, probably only family does (again, talking only about good parents, shitty ones aren't included in this kind of discussion)

tombert•52m ago
I think it's certainly fine to be grateful for your parents if you like them. I had pretty ok parents so if they need help as they get older I'll probably help where I can.

I guess I just get a little annoyed that people act like you are supposed to. I didn't choose to be born, and as far as I am aware neither did the other eight billion on this planet. The parents were the ones who brought the kids into the world. The kids are their responsibility, not the other way around.

sgt•1h ago
Give her a call regardless. Perhaps that's the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.
Trasmatta•1h ago
Bad advice when you don't know the situation. It's never a child's job to fix an abusive parent.
bossyTeacher•1h ago
> the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.

You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything.

rationalist•1h ago
Despising someone for something doesn't automatically mean that person doesn't care about someone.

Calling might not change anything, but that doesn't mean that change couldn't happen another way.

RF_Enthusiast•1h ago
Not all moms are good people. People with good moms often have trouble understanding or respecting that.
dyauspitr•1h ago
Every parent in Asia would despise their son if they were gay. That does not make them bad parents.
squigz•1h ago
Yes it does.
Trasmatta•1h ago
This is patently and absurdly false.
smt88•1h ago
Hating your child for the genes you gave them absolutely makes you a bad parent.
pixel_popping•1h ago
Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia).

Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.

And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.

bassrattle•1h ago
She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps
tombert•1h ago
My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic things to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life.

People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.

Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".

People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.

AH4oFVbPT4f8•51m ago
I don't know you, but I'm happy that you get to be you. If you wouldn't be friends with your family members, then why would you spend time with them? As far as parents go, they chose to have me, I didn't choose them. Not all people are good, and just because you are related to them doesn't mean it's healthy to have them in your life. Enjoy your day!
chipgap98•2h ago
Happy Mothers Day to all the moms on HN
nsbk•2h ago
And Latvia
late_night_fix•2h ago
Appreciate the reminder,small post,big impact.Happy Mother's day to all moms here.
amunozo•2h ago
Is it always May 10 in the countries where it's now? In Spain is the first Sunday of the month.
pjmlp•2h ago
Like in Portugal, I guess it is an Iberian thing.
unclad5968•1h ago
Second Sunday of May in the US
dyauspitr•1h ago
Why do they do this? Why not just have a fixed date for these things? Is it so people can use the weekend to celebrate?
Moto7451•1h ago
Yes
jolmg•1h ago
For Mother's Day, possibly, but it's not always the case. Thanksgiving is on the 4th Thursday of November.
lostlogin•1h ago
If it was a fixed day it would end up being a week day a lot of the time.

Maybe that doesn’t matter, but it’s nice to have on a weekend.

Maybe I’m missing what you mean?

jacekm•1h ago
In Poland it's on 26th of May.
xyzelement•2h ago
Before I got married and had kids I thought it was a dumb Hallmark holiday.

Now I think it's really significant and important to have an official day dedicated to recognize all the moms out there.

Happy mother's day to all the moms out there. And all the guys that made them moms :)

Balgair•41m ago
Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.

P. J. O'Rourke

treis•25m ago
This is not true on just so many levels. Lots of people have mothers not worthy of the name. I don't know exactly what fatherhood being a theory and motherhood being a fact means but I struggle to find any that isn't offensive to fathers.
pjmlp•2h ago
Not everywhere, in Portugal it is the first May's Sunday.
codeulike•2h ago
Unless you're in the UK in which case it was the 15th March and you've already done it (or already missed it)
pmg101•1h ago
Fourth Sunday in Lent or something, very easy to forget it!
beardyw•1h ago
Yes, it pre-dates the gift card (and gift) industry. I seem to recall being told it was to allow servants to go home to see their mothers. See how vaguely I framed that.
pluc•1h ago
Yeah I learned that today! I wonder what's the reason behind the difference.
nickt•1h ago
In the UK (and a few other places) it’s “Mothering Sunday”, the day you honour the church where you were baptised, or your mother church.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

nip•1h ago
And if you’re French, don’t worry, you didn’t miss it.

It’s the 31st of May

user_7832•1h ago
Or you're in any timezone significantly ahead of the US (so like over 40% of the world's population). It's already 11.35pm here in India, and most moms (and reasonable adults) are already asleep. China/SE Asia/Jp etc are even further ahead.

Better luck next year... I guess?

chatmasta•1h ago
If you’re American living in the UK you get double the number of weekends freaking out thinking you missed it. Those signs go up in February…
david-gpu•1h ago
I am happy for all those who celebrate.

Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:

1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.

2. https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+raisedbynarciss...

Trasmatta•1h ago
Thank you for the acknowledgement of this. Mother's Day can be intensely painful for people who had or have abusive or neglectful mothers. I think this should be acknowledged before the blanket advice of "call your mom" is given.
livinglist•1h ago
I grew up in a toxic household (my mom cheated when I was two, my stepfather was very abusive towards my mom, and my mom was always condescending and materialistic and kept using me to get money from my birth father, my birth father has depression and I just never felt any love from him), and I now barely keep in touch with both my parents, the first one hit home.
jsdfasds•1h ago
Yep. My parents went to prison for child abuse.
kstrauser•1h ago
This is the first year when I can’t do that.

Please go do it on my behalf, while it’s possible.

AnimalMuppet•1h ago
My second. Most of the time it's fine, but... today it hit me. I don't have a mother anymore.

So, yeah. Call while you can.

highwaylights•1h ago
Coming up on 3 years here. I felt this. Can also confirm this is based advice.
thenipper•1h ago
Same here. I’m sorry for your loss and may her memory be a blessing.

If you need someone to talk to I’m here.

Beestie•1h ago
it gets easier but not by much. I wouldn't have it any other way. Been 15 years and I don't want to ever forget. My Mom is showing your Mom around and they are trading stories of what brats we were :-)
Imustaskforhelp•1h ago
I have just come to HN from I was actually helping my mother in pressing legs as her legs sometimes hurt from pain :-(

Gonna go help my mom again in massaging her legs, Okay shes asking me to help now, bye!

muzmich•1h ago
thx, I almost missed it
mastabadtomm•1h ago
I lost my father last year because of complications from severe Alzheimer's. When I saw this, I thought my mother is still with us, and I need to be grateful for that. I love you mum!
chcardoz•1h ago
Happy mother's day to any mothers here!
rglover•1h ago
Lost my mom 17 years ago. Don't be a chump; one day she won't be here and you will miss her in ways you never could have imagined.
issoms7•1h ago
"I don't have mother" That's why I came to hear
bradlys•1h ago
HN’s demo is quite old. It’s likely most here are married with kids or have a dead mother.

The days of a young Silicon Valley are long gone.

anilakar•1h ago
When my mom remarried, her new husband started to manipulate her and isolate her from other relatives, trying to turn everyone against each other. The last time I met her, I was basically talking to two copies of him.

I've already dealt with the fact that I will not get my mom back.

bdangubic•1h ago
Call your Mom every day, even for a minute
rationalist•52m ago
Also, Mother's Day is May 9th next year. If you do want to mail a card next year, I recommend making a calendar entry now to remind you to buy (or make) a card and mail it so it arrives in time, or at least least make a calendar entry to call her on the day of.
andrewinardeer•28m ago
This was submitted 2 hours after Mother's Day concluded in Australia.

Next year can you please post a day earlier?