The only people I answer the phone to are people I know who prefer that mode of communication. That list mostly consists of people older than me, with a few exceptions. For everyone else, whatever textual mode of communication is my preferred way to talk, since then I have a record to go back to, time to think to respond, no social pressure to talk right now, and no worries about actually being able to hear the person.

Spam calls probably accelerated this cultural phenomenon, but I've atleast been this way before spam calls were as bad as they are now.

It's always funny to me how not answering the phone is presented as rude by some people, when calling someone is essentially just shouting 'talk to me, now!' at them.

This[1] comment from a while back also resonates with me a lot.

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43976815

Just the other day I sent what I meant to be an encouraging text to someone. Turns out I sent her into a spiral of self doubt by accident. It took a long phone call the following day to get us back on the same page.

I'd say I let them go to voicemail, but that doesn't even work anymore. With "ringless voicemail drops" all 20 voicemail slots are filled within two days from the same three robocallers. I've given up staying ahead of it - anyone worth talking to knows one of the other handful of ways to immediately get a hold of me.

This is not a question of "politeness" - it's a matter of enshittification and profit seeking from the same handful of money perverts who own everything, leaving us with the scraps and the pain of dealing with their shortsightedness.

I seem to only use my phone these days for playing the occasional game, doomscrolling, and getting work-related emails when I'm not at my desk.

I question every day whether it's worth keeping. Every day it feels less worth it.

I'm around 30yo.

I don't answer any calls, and can't fathom why would anyone do that... never happened anything good from that.

"When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.

I'm twice that old and I'm not letting my parents or family hang if they call. What if they're in the ER or had an accident? And at 16, if I had told my mother "I don't have time for a barrage of questions" I might as well have signed my own death warrant. I don't think I'm particularly old fashioned but that's not how you interact with your parents if you're still a teenager.

Never seen it prescribed to manners if someone picks up a phone or not. Is that a US thing?

I can't imagine managing a phone any other way. Unless you're paying me a lot of money or you live with me (and even then there are limits) you do not have the right to my immediate attention.

I agree with the argument presented here that one can communicate more effectively by intentionally not making oneself available right away and allowing oneself to be silent first. I totally relate to this in cases where e.g. a friend is asking for advice. However I feel that this is used mostly as an excuse to avoid communication. I don’t think there is a non-negligible proportion of teenagers that really think to themselves “hmm this matter calls for some contemplation, I should answer later”, rather “I really don’t want to deal with this right now”. I also feel that, similarly, what I see in the comments here is less “I don’t answer calls so that I communicate more effectively”, rather “I don’t answer because I don’t want to be bothered with real human interaction”, and I think that’s just sad. How can someone take such pride in intentionally isolating and disconnecting himself?