The only people I answer the phone to are people I know who prefer that mode of communication. That list mostly consists of people older than me, with a few exceptions. For everyone else, whatever textual mode of communication is my preferred way to talk, since then I have a record to go back to, time to think to respond, no social pressure to talk right now, and no worries about actually being able to hear the person.
Spam calls probably accelerated this cultural phenomenon, but I've atleast been this way before spam calls were as bad as they are now.
It's always funny to me how not answering the phone is presented as rude by some people, when calling someone is essentially just shouting 'talk to me, now!' at them.
This[1] comment from a while back also resonates with me a lot.
It is amusing how well it works at getting a quick response.
I'm almost 40 and generally don't answer the phone. "What the f* are you doing calling me?"
$6 later, and I receive exactly the same amount of junk mail as before.
“You have made an unsolicited call to a cell phone. Per federal law, you are required to tell me the NAME and ADDRESS of your company so I can sue you. Do so now.”
No idea if any of that is true, but my scam call rates have dropped to less than 1/mo.
Just the other day I sent what I meant to be an encouraging text to someone. Turns out I sent her into a spiral of self doubt by accident. It took a long phone call the following day to get us back on the same page.
I'd say I let them go to voicemail, but that doesn't even work anymore. With "ringless voicemail drops" all 20 voicemail slots are filled within two days from the same three robocallers. I've given up staying ahead of it - anyone worth talking to knows one of the other handful of ways to immediately get a hold of me.
This is not a question of "politeness" - it's a matter of enshittification and profit seeking from the same handful of money perverts who own everything, leaving us with the scraps and the pain of dealing with their shortsightedness.
I seem to only use my phone these days for playing the occasional game, doomscrolling, and getting work-related emails when I'm not at my desk.
I question every day whether it's worth keeping. Every day it feels less worth it.
If anything, if I'm getting calls from anybody in my family (or if I'm calling them), it's just assumed that it's a life-or-death problem that *genuinely* needs to be dealt with right now. Very few things in this world are so urgent that they need to be addressed right now.
I'm around 30yo.
I don't answer any calls, and can't fathom why would anyone do that... never happened anything good from that.
"When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
I'm twice that old and I'm not letting my parents or family hang if they call. What if they're in the ER or had an accident? And at 16, if I had told my mother "I don't have time for a barrage of questions" I might as well have signed my own death warrant. I don't think I'm particularly old fashioned but that's not how you interact with your parents if you're still a teenager.
If they're calling rather than texting it's urgent.
If they had texting as the default medium, with calling reserved for important and urgent communication, they wouldn't have this problem.
Maybe I'm just reading to much into this, but I know people who live with this exact situation with their parents, being called several times daily, and if I were in that situation, I'd just stop taking their calls at some point, no matter how important it is.
Never seen it prescribed to manners if someone picks up a phone or not. Is that a US thing?
The whole system underlying phone calls is broken in the same way that the internet is, i.e relying on a level of trust that just isn't there. There is no argument I will accept that will persuade me that any device should be able to contact any other device at all times. There is no need for such a synchronous type of communication, now that we have had the internet for over 40 years.
Just because someone calls me, doesn’t mean I’m obligated to answer it.
I would see it analogous to someone in real-life saying hi and the other person ignoring them. Is that rude? Depends on your relationship with the person. A salesman? No. Someone you're really close to? Maybe; depends on your relationship with them. Boss? Likely.
It also depends on whether you call back, in case you were driving or something.
> "When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
If they didn't text back, I might see it as reasonable grounds for some type of punishment, depending on a number of factors (time of day, where they're supposed to be, how they've been behaving lately, etc.).
Another comment talked about not being obligated to answer, but towards one's parent when they're a teen? This is one of those relationships where they would have an obligation to answer.
I would find it unreasonable for anyone to think that who ever they are calling is able to take a phone call at all times. Sometimes I am driving, swimming, sleeping, working, in a conversation with other human beings, or just taking time out. I don't expect other people to be available to me at all times, and would expect the same from them.
My boss knows that I am only available during work hours or during any "pager-duty" times. Otherwise I am not to be contacted (extreme edge cases exist).
If you don't set guidelines for your own time and attention, someone else will do so for you.
Hence why I said,
>> It also depends on whether you call back, in case you were driving or something.
and
>> If they didn't text back
Everyone understands that picking up a call is not always practical, and many times accepting the call itself is not really as important as accepting the prompt for contact at some vague, near point in the future.
> If you don't set guidelines for your own time and attention, someone else will do so for you.
Everything said is about implied/default expectations. If you set guidelines and they're accepted (it's really a negotiation), then those are the expectations. That's why I said "depends on your relationship with them".
I can't imagine managing a phone any other way. Unless you're paying me a lot of money or you live with me (and even then there are limits) you do not have the right to my immediate attention.
I agree with the argument presented here that one can communicate more effectively by intentionally not making oneself available right away and allowing oneself to be silent first. I totally relate to this in cases where e.g. a friend is asking for advice. However I feel that this is used mostly as an excuse to avoid communication. I don’t think there is a non-negligible proportion of teenagers that really think to themselves “hmm this matter calls for some contemplation, I should answer later”, rather “I really don’t want to deal with this right now”. I also feel that, similarly, what I see in the comments here is less “I don’t answer calls so that I communicate more effectively”, rather “I don’t answer because I don’t want to be bothered with real human interaction”, and I think that’s just sad. How can someone take such pride in intentionally isolating and disconnecting himself?
Relatedly, I am seriously considering getting a landline again so that I (and my young children) can once again live in a world where the barrier to a "quick chat" with friends or family is lowered.
I'd love for my daughter to be able to just pick up the phone, call her friend, and schedule a hangout for that afternoon. (Or for me to be able to do the same with her friend's parents).
And having a dedicated landline for this means none of this needs to involve the mobile phone intruding on our home life.
Your convenience is someone else's accessibly.
If you do start recording or transcribing your calls, be sure to disclose this every time you start talking to someone. Otherwise it's a trust violation.
blinded•5mo ago
ozim•5mo ago
It kind of extends to my house as well, like I have intercom disconnected most of times and I connect it back when I expect visitors or delivery.
I was a teenager like 20 years ago.
rogerrogerr•5mo ago