I’ve wrapped up a postdoc in physics after a long run through high school, an undergraduate degree at a top university, and a PhD from another elite institution. I’ve been following the “usual path” for years—just keep moving forward out of habit.

However, chronic illness, a lack of motivation, and depression have made the past few years extremely unproductive. I’m not interested in continuing in academia (perhaps I never was and wanted to please people), and I don’t want a job that will feel like a soul‑crushing grind.

I’m currently unemployed. I’ve applied to more than 50 positions but haven’t received any responses, and the job boards feel like they’re showing me a very narrow set of options. I need a few months to prepare for interviews properly (Leetcode is so hard), and bills are approaching.

I’m not sure whether I should take a break to recover or keep pushing. The thought of all those years spent studying, presenting, and publishing feels pointless when nothing tangible has materialized. I know I should not compare to my other peers, but it feels like everybody else has a network of people supporting them/has managed to advance/jump into the next career.

I’m considering starting with small gigs or a side project, as I used to do in physics—build something incremental. But I am not sure what to do and where to find opportunities (I do not even mind an old fashioned working class job, as this is my social background, poor and working class). And I worry that this could sap my ambition or stall momentum. I’ve also learned that building a network is far more valuable than anything else.

I suspect others have been in a similar place and would appreciate hearing how you found your way out of this rut.

P.S. Used an LLM to scramble my writing patterns.