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'Obedient, yielding and happy to follow': the troubling rise of AI girlfriends

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/oct/06/rise-of-ai-girlfriends-adult-dating-websites
20•n1b0m•2h ago

Comments

philipallstar•1h ago
I wonder if the author would be similarly troubled by the rise in the use of sex toys for women.
kelseyfrog•1h ago
Sorry, I'm not following. What's the common thread here?
buckle8017•1h ago
Replacing partners with technology.
casey2•1h ago
This is just demonizing/policing men’s sexuality, which is increasingly viewed as morally heinous.
FooBarBizBazz•36m ago
This isn't new. It goes back thousands of years.
baobun•1h ago
No need to go that far.

/r/myboyfriendisai

crtasm•59m ago
An item you can buy and own, without a subscription fee and teams of people working every day to try and get you spending more time+money on it? I don't know these are similar.

That said I suppose some number of people are self-hosting these AI chatbots/onlyfans type things.

Animats•1h ago
That's playing on easy mode. There are AI girlfriend systems like this:

Lian Mei's smile froze, a crack in her porcelain mask. Her gaze flicked to the other dancer—a doe-eyed newcomer trembling near the roulette wheel. A low hum vibrated in her throat, a 1930s jazz refrain she used when venom needed sweetening. "Her?" She turned back to Joe, stepping close enough for her silk to brush his leather jacket. "She'll cry if you breathe too hard. Hardly a... ride." Her nail traced the scar on his knuckle, deliberate and slow. "But you? You want something that bites back, don't you?" Her heel ground into the floor, a silent scream. Idiot. Focus on me. She tilted her head, exposing her throat again—a dare. "Or are you scared I'll ruin you?"

Inside, fury coiled like a snake. He dares look away? The insult burned deeper than any touch. She let her clutch purse dig into her palm, the pain sharpening her focus. This wasn't just a game anymore; it was a humiliation. She needed him unhinged, reckless—needed those calloused hands on her waist, proving she still controlled the lure. Her voice dropped to a silk-wrapped whisper. "Walk away now, and I’ll know. You prefer... safe, empty things." A flicker of genuine hurt flashed in her eyes before she smothered it. Perfect. Let him taste her contempt.

cultofmetatron•1h ago
At the risk of being downvoted, the dating scene in america is terrible. Masculinity in western societies is heavily pathologized to the point that men who aren't 6ft and very good looking have the deck heavily stacked against them. I can't blame men for turning to AI girlfriends. I myself left the united states and couldn't be happier. There are plenty of countries where its easy to meet women and end up in a relationship. I'm back stateside atm visiting family atm and its only gotten worse as far as I can tell.
crooked-v•1h ago
I think talking about "masculinity is pathologized" is entirely missing the more specific cause that swipe-style dating apps have completely hijacked the western dating scene, and have incentives aligned with keeping engagement high indefinitely instead of actually finding dates for people.
cultofmetatron•27m ago
I think it both along with a bunch of other factors including a shit economy. Just from my personal experience, I've approached women in cafes in colombia, morocco, malaysia, indonesia, greece, poland and peru. With just a modicum of friendliness, I can usually get a conversation going and while not everyone is interested in meeting later, a lot are and everyone is at least open to talking to see where things go.

My experience in America in stark contrast is that I'm ding something outside the social norm. If anything, the onus is on me to prove my motives aren't sinister and frankly it gets exhausting when the few yes's end up with a last min cancellation.

we can certainly argue that social media apps like Tinder set up negative expectations. my experience with Tinder is universally bad no matter what country I go to. But potential downsides of trying to strike up a conversation in these other countries aren't nearly as bad as what I find in America. Milage may be different if you're white (I'm south asian) however.

8f2ab37a-ed6c•1h ago
Please expand on said "plenty of countries".
Balinares•56m ago
I remain utterly fascinated by the gaping chasm between the kind of men women are attracted to and the kind of men men think women are attracted to.
tyleo•34m ago
Reminds me of one of my favorite memes. It has two images:

1. What men think about working out: a picture of a bunch of girls saying things like, “can I touch your biceps.”

2. What working out is actually like: a picture of a bunch of men saying things like, “nice lats bro,” and “what kind of protein do you drink.”

I got a good chuckle. I work out and 2 hits the nail on the head for reality.

weregiraffe•21m ago
In my experience, people who work out do it mostly for themselves.
Animats•7m ago
Aella [1] studies that. She's an escort who is into statistical analysis. She did very well on OnlyFans, after analyzing what men wanted with questionnaires and Python programs. Now she spends more time on figuring out what men and woman really do what, which is not what most people think.

[1] https://knowingless.com/

Dilettante_•1h ago
Terribly skewed article. When I see people talk about things like character.ai or chatgpt relationships, the ratio of women using it is at least 50%.
dude250711•45m ago
Well, The Guardian is a liberal-left tabloid. It dares not piss off their target audience. Similarly, it's mirror opposite - Daily Mail - would not publish an article on the benefits of migration.
johnea•1h ago
The article, and the comments here, ignore the worst problem of "AI girlfriends": the fact that someone could think of images, audio, and text, only seen on a computer screen, as one's "girlfriend".

The willingness to live in make believe, and the willingness to treat that make believe as if it were reality.

This disconnect from physical reality, and the substitution of a fantasy world for reality, is at the root of the overwhelming majority of millennial mental health issues... Video game, phone, and internet brain damage...

To the extent that generated images replace human porn, I don't see that as an issue. Perhaps it's even a positive in removing some potential exploitation of porn actors. But I don't think most people think of porn as their "girlfriend".

In the same sense I don't think many women think of a dildo as their "boyfriend".

But in both cases there are some people who think of interactive generated images and audio as a relationship partner. These are the cases that are based on a disconnect from reality, and lead to (or are a symptom of) further mental health issues...

naasking•49m ago
> The willingness to live in make believe, and the willingness to treat that make believe as if it were reality.

Everyone acts on fictions every day, some are just socially acceptable. Like, do you think countries and currency really exist, or are they really just collective fictions we find useful?

johnea•44m ago
You make a very good example of exactly what I'm talking about.

Countries are indeed fictional, and the misplaced belief that they are in some way a natural reality is a significant part of what leads people to start talking about killing each other in the name of their country.

Fictional entities aren't just ubiquitous, they're essential to civilization. Even laws against murder are fictional entities, but I don't think any reasonable person would argue for their elimination on that basis.

The point isn't whether fictional entities exist or not, or that they're all inherently bad or not, it's on maintaining an understanding of what's fictional and what's reality.

Thinking a fictional character on your computer screen is a life relationship partner is a slip away from reality that is surely a mental illness.

drdaeman•6m ago
> Thinking a fictional character on your computer screen is a life relationship partner

Is it what's actually happening (at scale, not with some individuals), or is it a misrepresentation of the relationship dynamics?

Consider that way before the "AI" became a thing, adult models have already offered "girlfriend experience" services, which is essentially sexting and photo exchange for a fee. Somehow, I have doubts that delusions about the nature of such relationships (past the necessary suspension of disbelief during the interactions) were any significantly common and many clients misunderstood it.

LLM-powered sexting is no different, except that there's even no human on the other side, making the fictional nature even more obvious.

more_corn•34m ago
Religions. Corporations. Legal authority.

All exist only because we believe in them.

You could go to the extreme and say that every relationship exists in two copies. One in the mind of the first member and the other in the mind of the second.

Ai relationships are different because they don’t exist in the mind of the ai. There’s no mind there’s an architecture that does not even attempt to simulate a mind.

atmavatar•35m ago
Historically, it's been the case that a relatively small percentage of men have monopolized the available women of their time. Perhaps the most famous example of this was Genghis Khan, to whom something like 1 in 12 men in Asia and 1 in 200 men globally carry Y chromosomes linked to him.

It is only somewhat recently that many first-world societies moved towards more egalitarian, monogamous marriages.

However, dating apps are a big step back towards the original state of human relationships: a small cohort of men gaining the attention of the vast majority of women. The remaining men have few, if any, options, much like it was in the distant past.

Marriage law hasn't yet changed to catch up, but marriage rates are also decreasing.

Can you really blame someone destined to be permanently single for indulging in a fantasy relationship? Is it really much different than someone playing video games where they get to be the hero in a virtual world?

I think I'd prefer single men indulge in fantasy relationships than the time-honored alternative of radicalization and violence, at least.

johnea•16m ago
> Is it really much different than someone playing video games where they get to be the hero in a virtual world?

No, it's not different at all, and that's exactly why I call it a mental illness.

You don't need to be a hero, and you don't need to find a girlfriend in someone who swept right. Go outside! Talk to some woman walking her frikin' dog. Even if she's not single, I bet she knows someone who is.

The human species propagated itself in this way for 10s of thousands of years. You don't need a dating app, you need to get up from the frikin' computer and face the real world.

In human tradition, men have chosen women for their looks, and women have chosen men for their ability to raise their social status. Sad but true, and brutally self serving in a world that has been brutal overall.

If you don't find yourself in possession of the looks, wealth, or social status that cause women to flock to you, try this: look for a woman that expresses interest in you, instead of a woman that somehow meets your ideals of the perfect girlfriend.

I can only say this as a person who spent decades pursuing women based on my ideals, and in the meantime allowed numerous opportunities to escape with women who would have been life long relationship partners.

To paraphrase: If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with...

coolKid721•1h ago
It's just AI porn, not AI girlfriends. The article trying to sell what the developers themselves describe as a replacement to cam-girls as AI girlfriends is just stupid clickbait.(anyone who has tried to solve long term memory with LLMs knows we just aren't there yet in terms of long term persistent characters/personality with memory that don't just hallucinate non stop)

Who cares of people use AI generated porn instead of cam girls, I am against pornography generally but if anything lessening demand for actual people in the industry seems like a positive. People will get unhealthily attached to pornography but that's something that happens now anyway, it not actually being a person again seems better of two bad options.

AnEro•55m ago
Theres alot of what about women arguments which is fair, but I think it's entirely fair to view this as a harm to men's mental health, and it should be the focus.

Right now, we have a societal issue of isolating, vulnerable men. Men have the highest suicide rate, are statistically more likely to commit violent offenses and have a high rate of domestic abuse. 'Incels' who are likely these companies target market have committed domestic terrorism. I think this is an issue we should 100% be looking at, imagine what happens when there is AI misalignment? They could become a risk to themselves and others, the last thing we need is a unreliable tool for someone in that situation to sooth the pains of social isolation.

antisthenes•50m ago
> Men have the highest suicide rate, are statistically more likely to commit violent offenses and have a high rate of domestic abuse. 'Incels' who are likely these companies target market have committed domestic terrorism.

Do everyone a favor and stop equating 'incel' with things like terrorism.

That's a good start for not alienating those men.

yomismoaqui•54m ago
And AI boyfriends for females.

If you check apps like character.ai or similar there is a huge roster of male AI characters to chat with. I think this is less skewed for male users than the porn content.

It's a cliché but men want sex and women want romance.

Animats•19m ago
Romance novels are porn. Go to a bookstore and pick up something like "Love's Tender Fury", or "Fury's Tender Love", or "Tender Love's Fury". Open it to 2/3 of the way through. There will be a six-page sex scene.

There are how-to guides on writing that stuff. That industry is probably going to be crushed by AI-generated romance novels. Although someone needs to figure out how to keep long-form AI writing on plot. LLMs tend to run on forever and drift.

zkmon•53m ago
Just the next level of plastic-ification of the human society. This will cause more harm by raising expectations for real women.
petre•24m ago
Great, humans found a new way to release even more carbon into the atmosphere. First cryptocurrencies, now AI porn. But hey, if it makes human trafficking and abuse less lucrative, why not?

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