Sounds like ADHD. Perhaps talk to a therapist before you tear your family apart from this disordered thinking. No job is worth it. None. Zero.

An interesting post about a sympathetic problem, but one that could have benefitted from not being written in LinkedIn house style.

This whole post is written in LinkedIn broetry style[0] and ends, unsurprisingly, with an invitation to connect with the author on LinkedIn.

[0] All single line paragraphs of 1-3 short sentences, https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ryanmac/why-are-these-p...

Woah, describes me quite accurately.

It actually took me quite a long time to learn this about myself. I do need a base-line of pressure to get the juices flowing. If pressure falls below base-line, my productivity tanks.

I'm also just starting to learn how to deal with the downside for my family. It's hard. I can very much relate to the yo-yo.

Your work friends are used to it and encouraging the behavior so you will be less competition for mates.

Why is every sentence a new paragraph?

“Don’t let your work self, be your best self.” Is a turn of phrase my boss said to me one time. He was describing his own father’s total inability to be present at home while over achieving at work. That really stuck with me. And is a mantra I repeat to myself quite often.

The struggle is real. Therapy helps. Meds might be worth checking out too as this sounds like ADHD.

I had the same issue and now I have a much calmer job I can actually be a stabilising force home.

I crave for my side projects and as soon as I get invested and want to pump code and deliver I notice myself being irritable and a piece of crap person. Since I became aware of it I just stop my side projects as soon as I notice it. I am sadly resigned that I am unable to accomplish everything I want. I am relaxed and happy in everything else though.

There is no trick, but a choice: one’s family or ideas of accomplishment. I wish I could do better but I feel much happier when my family is happy then when I accomplish my technical goals mostly small things in the big picture.

Another important point is that obsessive energy was profitable and now I can live slower without much financial limitation for all our family.

Classic ADHD symptoms. Talk to a professional.

Source: have medically diagnosed ADHD and it’s exactly as described.

That is not an easy post to write since it likely doesn’t feel good to feel like you’re failing your family in this way. The author says “the people I care about most”, but what is caring for people if not giving them your full attention and best self? I recognize some of this behavior in myself and improving the situation required recognizing that (in my case) the work stress was largely self-created as a way to satisfy my ego. My advice to the author is to seek out a therapist to work through whatever underlying issues are causing them to prioritize work over the rest of life.

This was me before talking to a therapist about ADHD. It explained...so much.