A bit of a cliche topic but I'm interested in hearing what others think of relationships like this. How do you feel about these distant contacts who are undeniably friends but who don't have enough time for us.
Lately I'm wondering if the whole game of social media is to leverage people's FOMO. Social media feels like the tribe that we'll lose if we leave. But is it true?
I built an app that I’ve been using with my friends (https://maintain.so/ ), and it’s been promising so far. People do seem to post more authentically. That said, I also suspect the FOMO mentioned in the other comment may never be strong enough in a friends-only network to truly replace the FOMO created by larger platforms, where people have years of followers and connections built up.
My dad never talks about Facebook. I believe he has an account, but I don’t know if he frequents much. He calls people on a regular basis to catch and schedule stuff… golf, pickleball, lunches, etc.
My mom has the illusion of connection via Facebook. My dad has actual connection through actual conversation. While he didn’t meet up with these people in-person as much during the middle of his career and while raising kids, he still made it a point to keep in touch, and it’s paying off for him in retirement.
I guess the question you need to ask yourself is are these people really friends if they can’t make time to catch up from time to time outside of the walled garden of Facebook? When you say they don’t have time, are you waiting for them to reach out, or have you reached out to them? Understanding people are busy and reaching out, without judgement or expecting that it’s “their turn next time” seems to be a key to maintaining actual connections over time. At least that’s what I’ve seen with my dad.
I think my dad did reach out to someone on Facebook recently. Someone he knew freshman year of college who kind of disappeared. He very quickly sought to meet up in person for lunch to catch up, rather than do it through Messenger. Know the guy texts and calls him all the time, no Facebook required.
When one of our kids started school we met a few families in our neighborhood and we see them fairly regularly. The difference is with them we can step out the door and we're already together. No planning required.
I wonder if social media essentially allows us to maintain friendships artificially, beyond the normal bounds of connection. It actually creates more maintenance overhead because you've got to maintain these contacts despite the relationships being largely irrelevant.
I have met a lot of people that way. This includes a few friends, a partner and many business opportunities.
It requires no maintenance, just genuine replies when people write to me. I use those websites as write-only media and never browse them.
dfex•3w ago
Did you interact (like you know, two-way communication) with these people at any time in the last month? In the last year? In the last decade?
_Disabling_ your account, and deleting the app won't stop you from being able to log back in one day in the future if you want to look someone up, but in the mean time, you'll be living a blissful life without an ad-fuelled torment nexus simulating meaningful relationships.
Desafinado•3w ago
There is also the lingering pressure to share but maybe, at the end of the day, these cheap shares are just a trivial blip in other people's days. If we can't actually talk to someone due to social dynamics or energy constraints then they're effectively no longer a part of our life and social media is a bit of an illusion.
Keep the avenue, avoid the feed.