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Remind HN: Today is Mother's Day, call your moms

302•rationalist•1h ago
And for any mothers here, happy Mother's Day.

Comments

Bender•1h ago
I'll have a drink in her memory.
rationalist•1h ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
coalstartprob•37m ago
cheers mate
user_7832•6m ago
Sorry, but seeing your comment being called dead by HN was... amusing.

(I personally think it's okay to be amused, even if it's thanks to dead people. I don't think any mother would really mind too much.)

vishnukool•1h ago
Respect. It's a good day to remember the impact they had even if they are no longer around to pick up the phone. Btw calling her now.
croisillon•1h ago
(in the US)
bobnarizes•1h ago
(+ Germany and Mexico)
stackghost•1h ago
(And Canada)
CamouflagedKiwi•1h ago
(and New Zealand)
keraf•1h ago
And a bunch of other countries like Switzerland, Tanzania, Belgium, India, Greece, Hong Kong, etc. [0]

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_th...

danjovich•1h ago
(and Brazil)
lxxpxlxxxx•1h ago
(And Venezuela)
Imustaskforhelp•51m ago
(and India)
sgt•50m ago
(and South Africa)
spikepuppet•39m ago
(and Australia)
woutgaze•33m ago
(and The Netherlands)
smt88•28m ago
And China, India, and many other large countries. Most of the world (by population) celebrates it today.
egeozcan•19m ago
(and Turkey)
testfrequency•12m ago
Which is what HN is bias towards clearly
alex7o•1h ago
How is it mother day isn't that 8 march
taubek•1h ago
March 8th is International Women's Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Women%27s_Day).

Mother’s Day is different from country to country (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day)

nottorp•59m ago
Apparently, according to wikipedia, we have a "mother's day" in the first sunday in may. I've seen nothing in the news about it and wasn't aware of its existence.

8 March was an entirely different animal...

Swizec•1h ago
March 8 is international women’s day. The most ignored of all holidays by US culture. To an almost hilarious degree.

My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.

xyzelement•57m ago
// My partner frequently brags

March 8th is for the partners, mother's day is for the wives :)

Just kidding but couldn't resist.

throwaway27727•56m ago
International men's day isn't a thing in the US either, so that's not surprising. Contrast to Mother's/Father's Day, which are.
drfloyd51•54m ago
I feel some editorializing going on.

Here[0] is a list of many holidays that are ignored more than international women’s day.

Happy International Day of Plant Health to you!

0: https://www.un.org/en/observances/list-days-weeks

halb•26m ago
international day of plant health is on may 12, not today!
ipaddr•45m ago
November 19 is international men's day. How many times have you gotten flowers on that day? Or Uber drivers wishing you a happy men's day?
avycado13•44m ago
lol. why arent we celebrated more
catlikesshrimp•19m ago
The joke goes as following: Women are celebrated once a year... because men have the rest of the days.
dyauspitr•35m ago
I wouldn’t say that. I don’t believe a men’s day even exists.
rkomorn•31m ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Men%27s_Day
einpoklum•25m ago
Like May 1st which is snubbed in favor of (non-organized?) Labor Day, and, well, the metric system which has somehow still not been adopted in the US...
locallost•12m ago
Flowers for women's day is another ultimately weird tradition in many countries. Weird because the point of women's day is equality and not to be treated like our little special ladies. I always half jokingly said a more suitable gift would be a mini wrench or a screwdriver.
malfist•1h ago
She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her.
rationalist•1h ago
I'm sorry :-(
twiclo•59m ago
You should call her
Zambyte•55m ago
... why?
llbbdd•53m ago
Lol. Call her and put on a heavy lisp
rationalist•51m ago
I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice.
mr-wendel•33m ago
Hard disagree.

Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.

Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.

--

Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.

tombert•25m ago
I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves.

Kids don't owe their parents anything.

signatoremo•17m ago
Kids own their parents their very presence.

Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.

rationalist•11m ago
Do they really owe that?

I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange.

A person does not consent to being born.

If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help.

tombert•4m ago
No one asked to be born. People are only born because their parents brought them into existence.
pixel_popping•10m ago
I disagree a bit somehow with the statement as it's a bit too generic, in my perspective, I do owe my parents care when they get older (I don't care about laws, talking about morality), I wouldn't send them in a home waiting for them to die, they'll live with me and my wife until they die, I understand that many might disagree with this, and it's fair if you had shit parents, but if you had parents that genuinely cared and done everything for you, I believe you want to also be fair for the sacrifice they've done and take care of them when they are too old to take care of themselves (or if 1 of them die, luckily I have both of my parents still!).

Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.

tombert•2m ago
You might feel an obligation, but you don't "owe" them anything.

It's pedantic but there's a subtle difference. Doing something for someone because you're grateful for them is fine. I like my parents, I might take care of them when they get older, but I'm doing that because I like them.

> Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.

Ironically, I think this is too generic. What if your parents were physically or sexually abusive? This isn't hypothetical, there are millions of children that live that reality. Are they "bad kids" because they don't want to help them when they're older?

sgt•49m ago
Give her a call regardless. Perhaps that's the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.
Trasmatta•26m ago
Bad advice when you don't know the situation. It's never a child's job to fix an abusive parent.
bossyTeacher•17m ago
> the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.

You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything.

rationalist•14m ago
Despising someone for something doesn't automatically mean that person doesn't care about someone.

Calling might not change anything, but that doesn't mean that change couldn't happen another way.

RF_Enthusiast•40m ago
Not all moms are good people. People with good moms often have trouble understanding or respecting that.
dyauspitr•30m ago
Every parent in Asia would despise their son if they were gay. That does not make them bad parents.
squigz•29m ago
Yes it does.
Trasmatta•27m ago
This is patently and absurdly false.
smt88•26m ago
Hating your child for the genes you gave them absolutely makes you a bad parent.
pixel_popping•18m ago
Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia).

Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.

And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.

bassrattle•38m ago
She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps
tombert•27m ago
My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life.

People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.

Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".

People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.

chipgap98•1h ago
Happy Mothers Day to all the moms on HN
nsbk•1h ago
And Latvia
late_night_fix•1h ago
Appreciate the reminder,small post,big impact.Happy Mother's day to all moms here.
amunozo•1h ago
Is it always May 10 in the countries where it's now? In Spain is the first Sunday of the month.
pjmlp•54m ago
Like in Portugal, I guess it is an Iberian thing.
unclad5968•40m ago
Second Sunday of May in the US
dyauspitr•36m ago
Why do they do this? Why not just have a fixed date for these things? Is it so people can use the weekend to celebrate?
Moto7451•32m ago
Yes
jolmg•25m ago
For Mother's Day, possibly, but it's not always the case. Thanksgiving is on the 4th Thursday of November.
jacekm•34m ago
In Poland it's on 26th of May.
xyzelement•1h ago
Before I got married and had kids I thought it was a dumb Hallmark holiday.

Now I think it's really significant and important to have an official day dedicated to recognize all the moms out there.

Happy mother's day to all the moms out there. And all the guys that made them moms :)

pjmlp•55m ago
Not everywhere, in Portugal it is the first May's Sunday.
codeulike•52m ago
Unless you're in the UK in which case it was the 15th March and you've already done it (or already missed it)
pmg101•51m ago
Fourth Sunday in Lent or something, very easy to forget it!
beardyw•36m ago
Yes, it pre-dates the gift card (and gift) industry. I seem to recall being told it was to allow servants to go home to see their mothers. See how vaguely I framed that.
pluc•39m ago
Yeah I learned that today! I wonder what's the reason behind the difference.
nickt•24m ago
In the UK (and a few other places) it’s “Mothering Sunday”, the day you honour the church where you were baptised, or your mother church.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

nip•39m ago
And if you’re French, don’t worry, you didn’t miss it.

It’s the 31st of May

user_7832•9m ago
Or you're in any timezone significantly ahead of the US (so like over 40% of the world's population). It's already 11.35pm here in India, and most moms (and reasonable adults) are already asleep. China/SE Asia/Jp etc are even further ahead.

Better luck next year... I guess?

david-gpu•50m ago
I am happy for all those who celebrate.

Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:

1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.

2. https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+raisedbynarciss...

Trasmatta•28m ago
Thank you for the acknowledgement of this. Mother's Day can be intensely painful for people who had or have abusive or neglectful mothers. I think this should be acknowledged before the blanket advice of "call your mom" is given.
livinglist•21m ago
I grew up in a toxic household (my mom cheated when I was two, my stepfather was very abusive towards my mom, and my mom was always condescending and materialistic and kept using me to get money from my birth father, my birth father has depression and I just never felt any love from him), and I now barely keep in touch with both my parents, the first one hit home.
jsdfasds•20m ago
Yep. My parents went to prison for child abuse.
kstrauser•50m ago
This is the first year when I can’t do that.

Please go do it on my behalf, while it’s possible.

AnimalMuppet•41m ago
My second. Most of the time it's fine, but... today it hit me. I don't have a mother anymore.

So, yeah. Call while you can.

highwaylights•40m ago
Coming up on 3 years here. I felt this. Can also confirm this is based advice.
thenipper•20m ago
Same here. I’m sorry for your loss and may her memory be a blessing.

If you need someone to talk to I’m here.

Beestie•16m ago
it gets easier but not by much. I wouldn't have it any other way. Been 15 years and I don't want to ever forget. My Mom is showing your Mom around and they are trading stories of what brats we were :-)
Imustaskforhelp•49m ago
I have just come to HN from I was actually helping my mother in pressing legs as her legs sometimes hurt from pain :-(

Gonna go help my mom again in massaging her legs, Okay shes asking me to help now, bye!

muzmich•37m ago
thx, I almost missed it
mastabadtomm•30m ago
I lost my father last year because of complications from severe Alzheimer's. When I saw this, I thought my mother is still with us, and I need to be grateful for that. I love you mum!
chcardoz•25m ago
Happy mother's day to any mothers here!
rglover•25m ago
Lost my mom 17 years ago. Don't be a chump; one day she won't be here and you will miss her in ways you never could have imagined.
issoms7•23m ago
"I don't have mother" That's why I came to hear
bradlys•15m ago
HN’s demo is quite old. It’s likely most here are married with kids or have a dead mother.

The days of a young Silicon Valley are long gone.

anilakar•14m ago
When my mom remarried, her new husband started to manipulate her and isolate her from other relatives, trying to turn everyone against each other. The last time I met her, I was basically talking to two copies of him.

I've already dealt with the fact that I will not get my mom back.

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