It’s my responsibility into the later and me assuming their responsibility in the former.
Unexpectedly becoming the sole caregiver of an aging parent seems different to me. I can imagine some resentment, especially if it’s unexpected _and_ one is already the caregiver for their own spouse, children, etc. It changes your life plans, adds additional daily stress in your life, and may also add financial stress.
Even if they don’t divorce and one dies it changes your life plans
The only thing different is the bummer of divorce and the emotional fallout from it
HN folks I assume are expected to handle these sorts of obligations more than average due to tech career incomes.
Something tells me this doesn't account for the court orders.
Makes sense too if you stay together for the kids, then the kids aren’t kids anymore
Another aspect possibly driving this: In USA a lot of people get divorced immediately after a cancer (or similar) diagnosis. That way only one of you goes bankrupt and you get to keep half your lifetime savings.
- First-time parenthood is frequently occurring later in life
- Couples are more often having (additional) children at later ages
- Children are sometimes not "launching" until later in their 20s.
My pet theory is an increase in treatments for "low testosterone" is a non-trivial contributor.
[1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31326436/
[2] https://www.apa.org/monitor/dec06/testosterone
[3] https://uk.style.yahoo.com/men-high-testosterone-more-likely...
even after stopping i noticed that there seems to be a lot more pressure on my heels when im standing. i think it has a positive effect on my default sympathetic tone or something like that. drawbacks are sleep apnea, hair loss and testicle shrinkage
there are other things you can do to preserve your bodies natural T production. there are medications that induce it but its not been studied for long term use. there is also another hormone you can take called HCG that will cause your body to continue making test but its difficult to use.
I was 54. my wife called it quits on me.
These days, my former wife and our three daughters are probably as happy and as communicative as we've ever been.
Mutually, putting our children as a high priority helped.
Divorce doesn’t harm the family only when children are young. Marriage is a bond that forms a foundation for family networks. This nonsense about “unfulfilling marriage” is simply our hyperindividualism on shameless display. That’s not the job of your marriage, to offer you some kind of fantasy “fulfillment”. Your dissatisfaction is likely rooted in your self-centeredness. We know that selfish, self-centered, self-obsessed people are the most unhappy people. Well, here’s a thought: stop prioritizing your “happiness” and your “fulfillment” and be an adult. Recognize that your marriage is for the good of others. A large part of being an adult is to enable the common good of your family and your society. Your family depends on you. Your society depends on you. Divorce motivated by abuse is one thing, but “lack of fulfillment” is a sign of perpetual adolescence.
Want to be happy? Happiness is found in virtue. Learn to live for others and stop being a parasite who burdens his spouse with the impossible task of making you “happy”.
Marriage is one example.
Another that comes to mind is going to college. Some see it as a chance to discover themselves, others see it as essentially a training program for specific careers.
From your profile, I'm guessing you approach this from a Judeo-Christian perspective? If you believe the institution of marriage is defined and ordained by God, then your normative view of it makes sense. Just be aware that not everyone in this discussion will share those assumptions.
Perhaps they are someone stuck in a bad marriage but trying to justify it... Who knows?
If this were true, why would there be vows?
I think that divorce actually solve this part in a very direct and straightforward way. After divorce, your partner does not have the obligation to make you happy. You are not burdening them and you are truly responsible for yourself and your hapiness.
cricalix•4mo ago
Baader-Meinhof•4mo ago
Interestingly, their relationship became much better after and they are ok as friends now.
newAccount2025•4mo ago
GP’s comment vs yours mirror my brother’s reaction vs my reaction when our parents divorced. Same divorce, completely different feelings about it.
skissane•4mo ago
Even within the same family, both divorce and dysfunction can be experienced very differently due to differences in each child’s individual psychology and also family dynamics (sometimes one child is made to bear the brunt of the dysfunction much more than the others-the “black sheep” versus the “golden child”)
Aloha•4mo ago
331c8c71•4mo ago
deadfoxygrandpa•4mo ago