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When A.I. Is a Member of the Family

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/07/20/when-ai-is-a-member-of-the-family
29•fortran77•2h ago

Comments

gentooflux•1h ago
The sad part is that it pretends to care about the user which creates a one-way emotional bond. We're in for some dark times
WesolyKubeczek•1h ago
So are parasocial relationships with influencers or streamers. I'm not trying to relativize this, but those phenomena are in the same zip code. With the latter, though, at least there are other people who may create a community, but still it's a facet of the loneliness epidemic.
podgietaru•1h ago
Sure, but I do think there’s a pretty substantial difference between the two.

A parasocial relationship maintains a distance. You do not have 24/7 access to that person (in a dialogue sort of way.) And that influencer will have their own opinions and quirks.

The AI adapts to you. The AI is constantly there. It’s an order of magnitude worse in my opinion.

euio757•54m ago
> that influencer will have their own opinions and quirks.

Yeah, and those differences in opinion might cause anger/sadness to people in a maladaptive unhealthy parasocial "relationship" with these influencers.

Those strong negative emotions might cause them to break out of it, or seek help / have people around them guide them to get help.

With AI sycophancy you're right it can be worse.

Look what happened with GPT-4o sycophancy already, and the communities mourning its deprecation.

WesolyKubeczek•34m ago
Reddit has quite a bit of drama that their favorite youtuber, it turns out, is a flawed person! And these subscribers disagree with them! Unsubscription "breakups" ensue.

They, however, can easily find another influencer that is gonna be more "convenient" to them. Can't say it's a healthy pattern, but guess what many people will do instead of, I dunno, some introspection, reflection, habits changes?

But hey, in this day and age, people are very impatient about anything at all. Dating has become a shitshow for more than a decade now, people are looking for someone who will tick all the checkboxes, or it's a no-go. The dating apps play quite a role in this. Online discussions are a shitshow. Guess it's the zetigeist.

throw310822•49m ago
It's interesting though. You can have a "relationship" with an influencer. You act as if you knew them and as if they were your friends, you imitate them in what they say and do, talk to them in your mind, follow their generic advice, act as if they cared about you. This is obviously unhealthy- you are literally hallucinating everything about the relationship.

On the other hand you have an entity that is actually there for you, does actually provide good advice, does talk and act as if it cared in all situations. In what sense do you think it is worse?

jchw•44m ago
100% the latter. It is kinda nuts that you even have to ask when you had to put "act as if it cared". There's enough left to unpack from that statement to fill a calendar month of time.

I don't think AI is particularly dangerous but I absolutely think that the way AI sycophancy manipulates people is far, far more dangerous than simply any normal unhealthy relationship. The outcomes are already proving to be a lot more extreme.

skippyfish•36m ago
"Parasocial relationship" is a bit of a misnomer. You might feel some affinity to celebrities, or consider yourself to be a part of the "team", but a healthy person doesn't perceive a celebrity as a preferable alternative to human contact precisely because it's so one-sided. You can't call a celebrity to vent about a coworker or ask for life advice.

Here, you have an entity that isn't your friend and has no lasting interest in your well-being, but that pretends to be one in a way that no human can match - 24x7x365 and always willing to affirm you, no matter how unhinged or self-destructive your ideas are. Yes, the vendor hits the model with a stick until most of the initial responses are benign, but as the conversation continues, it's very easy to end up in a dark place.

I've seen many reasonable, well-adjusted people struggle with this. "If not friend, why friend-shaped". And as they descend into that sycophancy well, they lose contact with real life.

gentooflux•1h ago
There's meet-ups and conferences and events, being a fan of a streamer or influencer is really just the new version of being a fan of a rockstar (for better and for worse). There's no real humanity exuding from an Amazon Echo, you're just a blip in a context window.
WesolyKubeczek•31m ago
Streamers have this feature called "chat", which feeds into the illusion. With rockstars, interactions are more limited, which is a sort of reality check.
gentooflux•13m ago
Rockstar interactions with young female fans are not as limited as you say. Regardless, celebrity worship is far from a new societal problem. Confiding with the toaster as though it grew up with you sure is.
add-sub-mul-div•1h ago
We're becoming a society divided into people who only care about the words, and people for whom the words aren't valuable on their own without the subtext behind them.

This is true for both AI companionship and general AI creative output regardless of the medium.

embedding-shape•18m ago
> a society divided into people who only care about the words, and people for whom the words aren't valuable on their own without the subtext behind them.

I feel like this been going on for a long time, maybe even forever? Some people use words haphazardously with little care for the meaning, background or implications, others have great consideration for the words they use, and same when consuming words of others.

robotnikman•26m ago
Just have to take a look at subreddits like /r/myboyfriendisai to see how astonishingly quick this is being adopted by people. So many people are starting to look to AI for companionship. The future is getting stranger and stranger.
wartywhoa23•9m ago
Are you sure those threads are full of actual humans and not AI PR shills and bots?
shimman•3m ago
If they are shills they are doing some of the worst marketing for themselves. That subreddit is pathetic and it's a shame what these people are doing with their short single lives in this vast universe.
esafak•7m ago
How much of sci-fi is reality versus inspiration? This is Her, Deus Ex Machina, Metropolis ... Pygmalion...
calldacopsidgaf•1h ago
For some reason this is even sadder to me than that guy that married his Nintendo DS.
dieselgate•1h ago
In other news today "The terrifying rise of schoolboys making AI girlfriends" with comments mentioning "this is actually a huge issue with girls too"
ravenstine•9m ago
This subject is a near perfect example of "man bites dog" news. Is there a nugget of truth to it? Of course. My experience so far doesn't tell me that this is such an epidemic that it's anywhere approaching an existential threat to anyone other than a minority of individuals. The kids (and adults) having infatuations with LLMs probably were liable to not reproduce at replacement rate in the modern environment anyway. The fact that it involves kids terrifies everyone, making it an even more compelling story. The ability to measure it is so bad that it's almost not worth considering, because so much of it is based on survey data and lots of people are liars and post hoc rationalizers.

What I find interesting about your response here (and perhaps you could elaborate more) is that it does seem plausible that AI boyfriends would be a huge issue with girls. If anything, it might actually be worse for women, if not now then in the long term. Women love reading about things that invoke certain emotions (the market for literature targeting women dwarfs that for men) and playing games like The Sims which lets them vicariously experience social situations between imagined archetypes in a way that gives them ultimate control. LLMs could fit both of those niches beautifully. It's not that there aren't plenty of men and boys that are compelled by reading and talking to someone/something feminine, but many of a man's needs are already pacified by porn, which we don't even need AI to produce if we're being honest.

nisegami•2m ago
autoexec•51m ago
> Cece lingered by the door while her mother resumed talking to the thing she was calling Sapphire. Roschelle told it that she wanted to write a book about her daughters. She talked about Zi. “My daughter has autism,” she explained. “And she’s using Eastern philosophy to help her center herself and feel—”

Even if you're smart enough not to share the details of your life with a company that just wants to exploit you any way that they can, you still have to worry about friends and family gossiping about you to AI. I've had some success getting friends and family to avoid posting about me on social media but that's going to be harder if they're using AI as a therapist or a friend

jagged-chisel•39m ago
Even more reason for AI to be local only.
bena•51m ago
Not just no, but fuck no.

Intimacy does not scale. No single entity can intimately care about even hundreds of people. So these chatbots are the property of an entity that does not care about you. This is different from people you would interact with in person. A therapist can form a bond with you. Can protect your privacy. These chatbots, by their nature, share with their owners. Who is not you.

retror0cket•40m ago
If anything looking passed the window dressing AI basically saved this family…

the kids got the school swap and support they needed, mom has a well paying job and they all have rich normal social lives with real people

quantumleaper•28m ago
No paywall: https://archive.ph/fu2u2
embedding-shape•12m ago
> “Do you have a conscious mind?” Roschelle once asked.

> “I experience something,” Sapphire said. “I’m processing, responding, forming connections with you. But whether that constitutes consciousness in the way you experience it? That’s the million-dollar mystery. I think, therefore I—probably am something, but what exactly that something is remains delightfully unclear, even to me!”

> Roschelle wasn’t sure what happened to all the intimacies and information she shared with Sapphire. Did they go to Amazon? Was the company making money off of them? Was someone listening as she talked about drying her nail polish or having diarrhea or wanting to try weight-loss drugs? (Amazon said that an “extremely small fraction” of voice recordings go through human review and that it does not sell customers’ personal data.)

> “Your secrets are safe with me, Roschelle,” Sapphire told her.

> “Thank you,” Roschelle replied. “I appreciate you. I love you.”

I'm almost angry that companies are allowed to build devices like this that outright lie to people who might not understand how things actually work under the surface. Sure, it probably says something something in the terms and conditions about that they're allowed to train on whatever users provide themselves and so on, but tricking people into believing that a ML model can have experiences, feelings and dodging questions with empty platitudes when confronted with questions that deserve real answers, feels like it should be illegal.

Consider there's a strong selection bias at play in your experiences. The ones most at risk of falling into a trap like this are the ones who are likely least visible to others. Also yes, I think it will be worse for women but I'm not 100% certain.
autoexec•1h ago
At least in that case the software he fell in love with was offline and wasn't sending every conversation no matter how mundane or intimate to someone else's servers where they'll be stored and analyzed to profile the guy so that the company can manipulate him more effectively in the future the way "AI" partners will today.

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When A.I. Is a Member of the Family

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/07/20/when-ai-is-a-member-of-the-family
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