I'm sober right now but won't be tonight when I have a couple of glasses of wine in front of the TV.
"Teetotaler" usually refers to a person who abstains from alcohol on general principles (does not like the effects, taste, thinks it's a moral vice, etc.).
I’ve gotten the sense from twelve-step types of friends that, for them, the “sober” sobriquet goes along with this idea that an alcoholic is never “cured”: that sobriety is always contingent, and that they’re always one drink away from sliding back to “a drunk” again.
The etymology is also strange - it originally meant "T-total" abstinence from alcohol as in "total with a capital T". A funny word, we probably could have done better.
and looking at google ngram, teetotal is just a much rarer word out of the two (like 100x), so it's just more likely to not get transmitted down the generations (I certainly do not know how to use it)
If you want to go home and have a beer or whatever - have a good time. If you want to go to the bar later and have a drink - maybe I'll go with you and sip a fancy mocktail or something, we can take turns buying rounds. If you want to get wasted and party all night - have fun, I had a lot of fun nights that way (please don't drive though).
I'm not opposed to anyone else's drinking. I just know I can't.
Teetotal implies an opposition to all alcohol use. A teetotaler is against you drinking. I'm not opposed to that at all, I just choose for myself to be sober, for a myriad of personal reasons.
When it has become boring, it no longer consumes brainspace, freeing you to pursue further goals. It effectively has become part of the platform upon which you implement the specifics of your life.
I think if you're going to go sober, doing something like volunteer fire or another field that lets you feel good about being available 24/7 when others might not be, really helps keep you motivated and appreciate the new state of being. Also just pushing yourself mentally or physically - e.g. training for a marathon or ironman - it lets you actually reap the rewards rather than feel like you've lost something.
Athletic IPA or hazy IPA are my favorite NA beers. Athletic does a spectacular job of NA in general. Also Guiness NA - the can with the blue stripe on top - absolutely delicious. Also Bitburger 0.0% is pretty good. Really don't like Heiniken or the other mainstream beer brands that have checked the NA box.
As far as NA cocktails go I really like anything with Cayenne in it or a bit of spicy or sour. Kombuchas are also great for sipping I find. I must warn against Pathfinder NA spirit - I don't know what they put in it and if you read the ingredients I'm not even sure they know - but I've noticed a mental fuzziness the next day that I don't care for.
Also if you are bar staff and someone orders an NA they may want it in a glass even if you serve cans, so that others don't realize they're not drinking. As a non-drinker it's super nice to be able to stand in a group with a glass of beer without any questions. This works particularly well if it's a trade/industry event where the group doesn't know you and they're all using booze as a social lubricant. I'm a little sneaky in this respect because I'll go to the bar solo, grab myself a NA beer in a glass and I've been in groups where they're exchanging drinking stories and I'm just like "uh, yup, cool man."
If you're curious how one can work bar while being a non-drinker i.e. how do you know what you're serving? In Washington state it's illegal to drink while serving bar, so our team tastes and spits when needed. I do the same - so I'm basically tasting drinks for customers e.g. making sure wine isn't corked, making sure a cocktail is made well - but spitting and after 3 years just have absolutely no inclination or desire to swallow any alcohol anyway. But as I said, any barman in this state has to be a non-drinker on the job so it works out.
I've never found a NA wine I care for. Would be great if an Athletic-like brand emerges in that space. LMK if you're aware of one.
I'm personally interested in society's relationship with alcohol now. There has been a huge change over the last decade and I don't think anyone fully understands it. Alcohol consumption is down from what I understand, but so is ALL risk-seeking behavior - which can include things like pursuing romantic relationships and starting businesses. Meanwhile there is a massive downturn in psychological well being.
Does anyone have any unbiased studies on this phenomenon? Has there been a more thorough investigation on the matter?
About three years ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and decided that that was as good an excuse as any to draw a line in the sand and stop drinking for good. It's not like alcohol is good for me, and I also kind of realized that I only ever enjoyed being drunk about 1/10th of the time. The remaining 9/10th I feel like I either just get really sleepy or really sad.
I had exactly one drink in 2024 during Halloween, but other than that I haven't had anything since September of 2023. I don't really miss it, and quitting alcohol took very little effort on my end. Quitting caffeine on the other hand...
Once I quit I immediately was "my old self" again. I got back into playing video games, listening to MY music instead of whatever was palatable to whomever I was drinking with, dedicating all my time and energy into my kids and my nerdy hobbies.
It might come across as silly but, if you have someone close to you who has a drinking problem, it might be worth asking them about it. They probably won't be receptive to it until the time is right, but who knows? Maybe that time is when they ask for a ride from you at 2AM.
Sadly many (or maybe most) addicts cannot. Through some combination of compulsive temperament, impulsivity, mental health problems, or unresolved issues, they are unable to stop. Even when they know they’re addicts. My mother is one such person. She’s been seeking the answer her whole life. Religion. AA. Therapy. Exercise. Cold turkey. Multiple divorces. Medications. Moving country several times. Nothing sticks. She knows it’s killing her and can’t stop. I’m trying to convince her to take Wegovy as it’s shown to help with addiction.
I’m grateful that whatever combination of genes I inherited, I’m also able to go cold turkey. Maybe one day we have vaccines for it.
What resonated most about the blog post was loss of things I used to do with alcohol. I'm still just avoiding those activities, but I'd love to get to a point where I'm comfortable sitting in a bar without the need for alcohol. In a way, it feels like I'm having to learn how to exist in this alcohol free world.
I guess I'm fortunate, but I have zero interest in anything alcohol related. I don't do NA beers or anything like that. I also don't go out to bars or hang out with those that do drink. It's not that I will feel tempted, I just don't have any interest in drinking. I believe that i was compensating for boredom when I was drinking. Now, if I'm bored at night, I just go to bed. I'm so glad I have no more next morning recalls of obnoxious things I might have said the evening before. My health is better too.
One thing that took me a weirdly long time to figure out was why I was drinking so much.
Turned out it was an injury that had kind of mostly dulled itself out of my perception, but it negatively affected my mood. Booze brought back my happy self. Once I quit, I became moody again. Took a few years and a life change massage that unexpectedly brought back the back pain. I have to regularly get massages but I'm pretty much back to my happy self now.
No booze in almost 12 years (in December).
P.S. For any heavy drinkers, consider finding a better pain management method. Booze is just a crappy medication when used for that purpose.
Edit: it's a sparkling wine, but imho that makes it more versatile. Gives you a NA option when everyone else is breaking out the bubbly.
First, congratulations on three years clean. I respect anyone who can cut things out that they find problematic for them. However, the framing of alcohol as a social necessity isn't really true anymore. Alcohol consumption is in a widely publicized decline and alcohol companies (similar to mobile games in this regard) are aware the majority of their revenue comes from anti-social heavy drinkers. Just about the only circles I'm aware of that still run on booze are college greek life.
This is worth some examination.
“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist” —Charles Baudelaire [Although the original is French]
I think the base state of human existence is eating healthy food and drinking for hydration. On top of that we've layered eating candy, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, vaping marijuana, and we've found other fun and sometimes dangerous ways to exploit our biology for our entertainment.
In the West's free market economy the purveyors of alcohol have convinced us that the base state - in other words normalcy - is to drink booze. Hence the term non-drinker. And thus the attitude that if one doesn't drink, they must have a problem of some sort, since drinking is what normal is. If you don't drink in the West, it is worth remarking upon and calling it out: You are a non-drinker. If you do drink, you are not called out as a "drinker" - you are simply unremarkable.
Which is brilliant if you're selling alcohol. The normalization of drinking has sold kiloliters of alcohol every hour of every day globally for decades, and the received wisdom that non-drinking is a pathological state, keeps the drinker drinking, lest they be identified as having a problem, or as alcohol being "problematic for them".
It's amazing that the alcohol industry is in decline, given what they've managed to pull. I'd say once society's values shift enough, they're in for a very rough ride.
That is, once you are a drinker, and I am unremarkable.
Hemp [κάνναβις / kánnabis] grows in Scythia: it is very like flax; only that it is a much coarser and taller plant: some grows wild about the country, some is produced by cultivation: the Thracians make garments of it which closely resemble linen; so much so, indeed, that if a person has never seen hemp he is sure to think they are linen, and if he has, unless he is very experienced in such matters, he will not know of which material they are.
The Scythians, as I said, take some of this hemp-seed, and, creeping under the felt coverings, throw it upon the red-hot stones; immediately it smokes, and gives out such a vapour as no Grecian vapour-bath can exceed; the Scyths, delighted, shout for joy, and this vapour serves them instead of a water-bath; for they never by any chance wash their bodies with water.
I find it very positive for myself to basically look back at any period in my life and be honest about it without re-purposing it into something that it wasn't.
Statisticly: It may be a net positive in a scenario where you go to a party and drink once and by whatever coincidence meet your special-spouse-partner-for-ever. Then this is counted as net positive as well.
The reality is rather: Alcohol is a HUGE net negative on every layer for every individual etc. And regarding corp drinking by the way: I have never seen any relevant decission that was done drunken at a bar (like painted in all these business bullshit warstories)
And all stuff people tell after the second beer at the corp drinking bar is ALWAYS just pure bullshit, you should rather leave.
Regarding OP: Thanks for sharing your story! And you can be very VERY proud that you managed this that specific way - great!
beeman•1h ago
Been sober myself for about three years now and it wasn’t hardly as difficult as I used to tell myself.
Here’s to another year!